Friday, 30 September 2016
Wednesday, 28 September 2016
Tuesday, 27 September 2016
LOL. I’ve watched Warcraft movie and
have fallen totally in cutesy lust with the guy who plays – and HOW he plays –
whatshisname, the human general guy. (Fuck Alliance.) He clearly wasn’t able to
go for the Aragorn approach, it would be too on the nose, so he speaks in this bizarre,
almost stoned or drunk way, kind of putting words together like small wooden
blocks on a string. Fucking adorable. I mention this, because I’m reading Goose
out loud to keep the rhythm of the narrative going, and that’s the voice I notice I'm reading
it in :D
Monday, 26 September 2016
Dreams about the weird kind of social courage
Had a cute
dream that I will somehow try to incorporate into Goose, though I am not quite
yet able to see how… It’s righteous, so it may turn out that this is actually something
Kestrel did, as oppose to Paper, who advocates against helping people along … (Even though she always does it.)
So, in the dream
I was asked to play a piano during a recital in the dance studio ran by a woman
I used to do photos for. It’s an odd place, an odd place for me to perform at, pretty
must any individual of her vast clientele disapproves of me. Usually they just
gave me shit when I was supposed to photograph the recitals, then asked for
free photos.
Also, I
cannot play a single thing on the piano, or any other instrument. Tried, I
suck. Tried a lot. Suck big time.
The first
bit of the recital was by Tinka’s elder daughter, who is talented and around nine years old. I followed
with a simple piece, but was accompanied by a young Jewish man, who played
amazingly. Then I was supposed to play two more, but not only was it
complicated pieces – I had no notes. The woman came to me to complain what am I
doing, when i just sat there and doodled in my notes, and I said there’s no sheets for the music and I do not know them by
heart. This was all horrifically embarrassing – to everyone except me. The
Jewish boy did truly all he could think of to keep the concert going without
making my inability too obvious. Ultimately he simply took over the main,
people booed me and applauded him and I left. A few minutes later he came
running after me, upset almost to tears, about how I could ruin him so badly on
his first concert. I explained I was not hired to be the musician - I was hired, because I was the actress.
This made me think a little, but I was, I really could be. If ship life has taughte me anything, it was that I could act truly well.And it was the
truth: if he had his first concert, the expectations would be too high and he
would be exposed. This was he was not expected to do anything and yet he saved
the evening and now everyone will remember me as a failure – which I could not
care less about – and him as the little genius who saved the day. His next
show will be amazing.He will already be famous in the positive way.
He gave me
half of a Bounty chocolate and then we kissed for a long time, like
schoolchildren kiss.
I’m
beginning to notice I miss kissing people, mainly school boys. I mean, it’s a
little late now, but even in the stories I’m noticing I skip over the sex part
and just mention kissing a lot.
And now if you'll excuse me i'm going to listen to pretty/feel-good pompous piano music by some Florian guy.
Saturday, 24 September 2016
As closures go: perfect day
This was
the coolest closure to an adventure one could hope for. The past few days I've been psyching myself out, worried about the boxes of books I've left behind – had
they been thrown away?, will I have to face SLSB to get to them?, will any of
my old friends come to say hi?, will DOo show up at all ?…
Well, this
is how it all went down:
At 3:30 G
and I set for Koper and the drive was lovely, pass the misty swamps and high
hills and into the bay area, where we navigated through the sleeping old
streets to get to a cape between the country’s only industrial port and a
quaint tiny marina. It was six when we arrived, still dark, and we offed for
coffee and to pee while we awaited daybreak, watching nigh fishermen return.
Gem coming in, picking up the pilot |
At around
seven, we paid for the parking spot ‘till noon and took the binoculars to the
pier to find the Gem – which was coming very slowly, very lengthily from
Venice. We watched as the ship picked up the pilot and revolved, then backed into
the only available pier for cruise ships. We followed it and watched the
mooring workers tie the ship to quay. It was great, listening to them work,
understanding exactly what they’re complaining about :D
G watching the pilots drag the freighter while we wait.. |
DOo was on
the ship-driving-balcony often and had surely seen us, as we were mostly alone
on the vast pier, and in my head he was going to ignore me entirely, but he
didn’t. He waved at me and I waved back. A couple of minutes later he came out to
the bridge balcony with a large palm-shaped cardboard cut-out, which is usually
used for festivities, namely waving to children should an assembly of
on-lookers come to the port to greet the ship. He waved that at me again. The
captain came out and probably asked him what the fuck he’s doing, then they
looked at me, the captain shook his head and walked back in. Oh, yeah. He remembers
the red-haired photographer.
About an
hour later, nine-ish, they managed to set the mooring and the gangway and
although he supervised it, nothing much occurred. G and I waited behind the
perimeter fence, watched freighters being loaded and some of the passengers
disembark to go on excursions. Suddenly somebody grabbed me from behind and I
yelped FUCK ME!?, at DOo, who was laughing behind my back, quite pink in the face,
having sneaked up on me, said: ‘No, I rather didn’t…’ The General and him shook
hands and we hugged and DOo asked keenly what our plans were. I said I’ll wait
for him for sure, if he would like to have coffee, and we’ll watch the drill
until it’s finished, no worries.
The exercise
took until around eleven, by which time G and I were joined by two of the
musicians from the ship. We moved to a city wall to watch the drill from above.
We could see how DOo looked around to find us from the bridge balcony, and
would not stop looking until he saw me waving from the wall.
watching the drill from the city wall |
When the
drill was finished and my shippie shoppie buddy told me she’s getting the boxes
from the lab now, I went down and DOo was already at the perimeter gate, in
civilian clothing, with one of my boxes. He gave it to G who took it to the car
and went in to get the other one, which was heavier. Once he came out with the
other box, he said that he truly hopes there is nothing in here that would put
him in prison for ten years. I said of course not, only stolen books, though if
I had known he will be the one to carry them – and of course the security never
dared stop him – I would make a better effort to be an international drug smuggler.
The box was
too heavy, so Tom and the others, who joined us half a minute later, having
previously waved at us from the drill assembly, put it on a skate-board until
the General came back again. We walked to the cafĂŠ I knew, DOo and I talking
and the rest of our company, some five or six more people, following, talking about
Venice.
We sat down
and spent about two hours chatting, drinking. I sat on a bench between G and
DOo, mostly talking to DOo. G said I am awfully condescending to him, even
rude, and upon introspection later, I supposed that this is an attitude that’s
developed between us over time, not from the start. I suppose we always spoke
to one another in a deeply condescending, patronising tone, calling one another
bad things, telling each other what to do and how to do it.
Because he’s
never been out with company and most of the rest were people half our age, he
did feel a little bit of fish-out-of-water, but then again so were G and I.
Most of these people have never met DOo and would not engage with an officer of
such a rank. Nobody ever spoke to him, ever. The guys had a good time on their
own, comparing notes, occasionally engaging in the conversation if I was
talking. Tom came into a dialogue when I handed DOo a memory stick with movies
and TV shows I thought might make days go faster, agreeing with my selection.
This went
on for a while. DOo left to go check out the marina and the sailboats in it and
later the gang left to go test-drive the rentable riksha-bikes. DOo came back
and we walked a little, talking about whether he should do something about
SLSB, who now seemed to be in the practice of picking on the new videographer
girl. I said I don’t know if it’s worth the bother, but if he wants, sure, he
can face him and make sure SLSB stays down. In truth Hotel Managers change so
quickly, everyone just puts the obligation on the next one and nothing ever
gets solved. I did nearly piss myself when the photo girl, my heir, said SLSB
told her, on the first day: “Don’t touch my computer, don’t touch my bed….”
O.o
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Well, first
of all, it isn’t his computer, it’s the agency’s and everyone was supposed to
be able to use and handle every piece of equipment, so that should occasion arise,
we would all be able to help one another… As for the ‘stay away from my bed’
bit … Ye, I can’t even begin to explain to you that one. It’s like a guy like
this – telling a woman like this – to not chase him and they won’t be having
any problems…
Sigh. Well,
my shippie shoppie then showed up and DOo had to return to the ship. I hugged
and kissed him and said goodbye. G and I returned to the car to get some picnic
food and water, then sat by the sea in the park and talked about the day. It
was a good day and these were really nice people. G finally began to understand
what a good group can do for your morale, if they see you’re down and they
choose to help you. There was a bit of an instance when I managed to spill some
ice-cream down my shirt, which would have been incredibly embarrassing in any
other group – but here I just said: “It was well deliberate - I only do this so
as to draw attention to my breasts..”
Really.
Fucking awesome closure of a day.
Tuesday, 20 September 2016
Went to
Ljubljana a couple of days ago, to catsit the professor's flat – an occurrence
that always somehow translates to a few days of vacation-in-a-metropola mood. I
oft let some people know I’m there, but not too many. I was going to go Tuesday
eve, alas was so tired and had such a tummy ache, I just boarded the earliest
train the next day and arrived to LJ at seven.
Ljubljana,
as all large towns, has all these chronological different faces: at seven in the
morning, at dawn, all the shops are being readied, streets are being cleaned,
tables are being scrubbed and chairs set, panels displayed, menus distributed,
vans deliver daily goods, machines for ice-cream are being powered up, rare
civilians rush about… At eight, it’s another story: most places are already
full, people eating breakfast, folk stopping for first coffee on their way to
work, stores are opening … And so on, until around six, when afternoon drinks
are served after a long day at work, then later dinners set in and later still
evening drinks with music, performances in the streets and still some semblance
of night life sounds from the bars and restaurants. It was still warm, still
some lingering taste of summer. Ema joined us and we had drinks, then took some
night photos of her dancing in the streets. The rest was pleasant women’s
banter, talking about men and kids and in-laws and families and futures and bad
plans.
Next
morning, Ema and I met at dawn to continue our shoot. We started at a pretty
bridge – or under it – amidst the junky needles and construction workers fixing
the channel bank. Through the waking-up town to our first coffee, where a
tremendously good looking backpacker came by and sat not even few tables away
from us. I stared at her and muttered: sit here, sit here, sit here… First
chance I got, I approached her, asking if she has a place to stay tonight. She
was a climber and camper and was on her way further south, but figured we are
harmless and may be fun company, so she postponed her next move for a day. We
moved slowly, photographing Ema still, towards the flat and Ema, who was the
one amidst us who could cook, rummaged around the professor’s kitchen until she
made some delicious Spanish pasta with garlic and cheese and tomato sauce.
The girls
left and I took a nap, then wrote somewhat my ‘Chinese adventure’ chapter,
until the beautiful backpacker returned with supplies, and we went out. Little
Ema, who is never in any short supply of suitors, gravitated back to us at
nightfall, and we spent the evening in a remote open air cafĂŠ, where a girl
unexpectedly – and just for us, as we were the only customers – sang with a
guitar. One of the songs she sang was Foo Fighter’s Wheels. It just sounded
perfect right then and there.
We moved
back ‘home’, Rey-look-alike and I retiring (actually I wrote a little while
longer while she camped in the professor’s awesome balcony.) We awoke at 6 in
the morning and packed up to get some coffee at the place where we met. The
plan was to get on out rides (my train and her bus) at noon to avoid rain, but
it rained the entirety of the morning and cleared up at noon. But we went to
buy some tobacco for me, a new flavour ‘ve just recently discovered, and a USB key
for Doo, to give him some movies to watch. He’s in a shitty mood, because he’s
broken up with his GF and I wonder if he’s angry with me because he likes me
too much? Be that as it may, on the train ride home, I borrowed a book from a
6ft 90 pound blonde nerd student, who strikingly reminded me of a man from my
magical past, (and of whom I spoke plenty a night ago), though was not
handsome, just … nerdy. The book was a hefty tome, called something like Rationalisation
of Civilisation or somesuch. It read like one of those things some old white
guy writes and then spends the next forty years lecturing from, and only from
that and only about that. Plus it begins with Restoration, which I minded,
because I believe rationalisation was a global event that took place much
sooner.
Then I got
home, in the nice autumn rain, dragged to my house and spent the weekend with
G, working on the kitchen, going out for drinks or nice food, crazy sex and Warcraft.
I feel like I’m in between good books, though, because most of the ones I pick
up are angsty and I don’t particularly roll angsty. My parent’s dog is still
sick :/ That part is crappy.
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