Working again :D

On lying

After a coffee talk last night, I saw an interesting Greenland movie (having the balcony all to myself is the only way to fly!!!!) , but thorough the whole plot (maybe, because Greenlanders don’t seem to really use a lot of verbal communication), I kept thinking about what came up during the dialogue: why do people lie about themselves? Not TO themselves. About themselves.

I never got that.

Okay. I understand someone would lie about someone else. You know, weasely, conniving stuff to get yourself ahead. That’s just petty malice. It comes with the default of being a social human. Or why someone would lie at their job. Fuck it, just bullshit through it and take what you can get. Even I did that when they asked me if I can ride a moped. That wasn’t even a lie, it was a temporally dislodged information. I even think I understand why someone would want to keep certain things to themselves, intimate things, like health things or emotional stuff. It’s why the word ‘fine’ was globally adopted as a short version of ‘mind your own fucking business’.

But why would people lie about themselves?

Years later, I would learn from various new acquaintances my first husband did that. He lied all the time. It’s all he ever did, now that I put the pieces together. Not that it made a difference at the time. I just wouldn’t have guessed he felt the need for it. I thought he was kind of cool ... said she, before she ran into a closed door, banged her head and woke up. Not saying actual stuff – but lying to promote himself. And his mom, fuck, but I really don’t want to waste another drop of ink on that issue. My sister, as I notice, does the same. I mean, why would anyone need to lie about how much money they make or their work or their relationship? NOBODY I know right now makes a lot of money. Nobody I know has their dream job (that would actually pay more than a glorified hobby). Every relationships, from the best to the worst of marriages, have bile throw-ups from time to time, some of which I often find liberating to debate upon. If you don’t want to talk about it, then don’t bring it up. But inventing downright lies to make yourself seem … I d.... wha, worthy? Impressive? Interesting? I just don’t get it.

If you are ashamed of what you are or what you are doing it, then why do you do it? Why would you lie about not having a job? I don’t have a job. Doesn’t mean I don’t work. I try. I am grateful for every cent the General brings home to support my crazy earning pattern (sometimes nothing for a year, sometimes I take over the reins of the bread bringer, but these things you never can predict). Never in a million years would I be ashamed of being unemployed. Of whom I love. Of what my pet can or cannot do. Or lie about it. What the fuck would I say? What would impress strangers more than the truth?

Guess it’s a talent only true sociopath possess. The understanding of this particular conundrum.

Nostalgia

Found this on a FB link - a bunch of pickies to remind us where we come from.. here are just a few.... I didn't look for these, I swear, whoever posted them got them exact :D

From pre-school to the end of eight grade - the same indestructable metal mugs, full of warm blueberry juice or Divka :D

Two chewing gums that would melt your teeth, but made the best balloons ever!

The vanilla, strawberry and chocolate ice-cream in a paper wrap! Family delight!!

My first cell!

We had this phone for ages!

I still have this toy register somewhere...

Excellent candy... Only in museums now, i think :,(

Oh, containers for the hazelnut/ milk paste!

Had these exact shoes in primary school. Mum and dad bought me a lot nicer ones, but I was asked not to stand out. The good old days of equality..

Yup, the feared goat. Hated this in gym. Never did manage to conquer it.Gave it a few good humpings, though, unintentionally

Has a million of these crayons. they were the best.

Živ Žav!! This was a whole block of cartoons or kids movies every sunday morning!! They made it especially alluring after New Years, so that kids would watch and adults could sleep longer...

Super granny!!!

Ahh, this is Esmeralda, I think, the only person to ever get more audience than the Pope in this land, though I could remember even longer ago and I would have said The Slave Isaura, my first soap.

Video tapes! :D This was exactly my workplace for a few cool years

Icecream balls :D Or frozen whipped cream. Whichever!

My first discman. I had this exact model.

Pingo juice! 2% of whatever natural and the rest ... I don't know, but everyone had these on field trips and the alluminum was so thick and the straws so soft, hardly anyone ever got to drink them

Chewing gum cigarettes! Ooooh, we were so cool when we 'smoked' these. I'm talking John travolta Greese cool.

To goose or not to goose... That is the pickle now.

Been fucking around with this line all night… It's just cause i'm writing again and the concepts are hacking one over another to get my attention. This is from Goose, which I haven't been considering until, say, three a.m. tonight. In this version of the prologue, the scene contains (don't ask me how just yet), Paper, Lewis, Semper, Mary, Ibnzahi, Neggings, Murphy (though that is not stressed), and mayhap some other odd creatures of sticky fable..

Here it is, mostly, rollingly:

I did not see this then, for to me they all rang inspiring, but at that time they were all characters of children stories, of young adult adventure fiction; Only later would they solidify in the material of harsh reality, agents of nightmares, a cautionary tale and of what you might call difficult lore.

Little Mermaid... who the fuck cares?

Am I weird for not giving much about the little Ariel? I mean, a beautiful princes, loved by her rich daddy, in desperate need of a shag with anyone not under her father's thumb, willing to put pretty much everyone is danger, only to play dumb and helpless to get the rich and equally unreliable spoilt guy, also a royalty?

... Or maybe I just dislike rich, royal, hot people?
Jury's out.

Day 1 of the new demi-job. I almost didn't do anything wrong. Go me :D
And spent another two productive hours gaining on my ambition.
Lessons learnt. Bridges built, only to be burnt.

Okay. Am high on propolis. Happens to the best of us. Time for bed. Not I'm sleeping any lately :/ damn cold.

Have I posted these yet? I've no idea.

I made them during the fair. There was plenty time and people enjoy watching other people draw, it seems :D

Inheriting a town square

So. There's this movie theater in town that used to be one of three theaters I grew up in. I used to be a pathological movie-goer. Tickets were cheap and I could never get enough of the experience. There were movies I saw so many times, I would follow the reels when they moved to smaller towns. The sort of theater like, say, the one in Inglorious basterds, those were my temples. That and bookstores. Well, bookstore. And like I said, there were three. The one I ever went in first is long gone, they tore it down. Funny though, that. Tearing down something that is so sublimely hollow. The other one, called the Union, still exists as a building, because the Nazis during the Second war built a posh palace in the midst of town communications and a lot of fancy shit happens there. A really vast square has been built there now. Which brings us to the Metropol. A really vast square is being built there, too. It's in the middle of my street, the main street. Metropol is the only remaining theater in the broader area, besides the Coliseum - the multiplex, where the popcorn and the people are. By what miracle Metropol survived, I do not know. It's odd it did. It took a while, things got shaky and wet, but it's going steady now and the films they are showing, mainly European stuff, are cool. I actually go there a lot lately. And it looks like I will be going there a lot more.

It's not a real job. It's a little bit of a job with a little bit of money and a lot of an invitation into a sort of circle that, in the perfect world, I would want to really belong to. Unfortunately, mostly, people who run movie theaters are very comfortable in their position and do not argue well with gray little mice like me. But the guy who runs it read Gorgi and thought I might fit well into the circle, right in the bulls eye. They basically need young blood that they don't have to pay. They own a square that needs to be filled with cool stuff going on. I'm cordially, kind of, whisperly, almost invited to do something about it. And I am just in the right mood to dive in.

      I have no idea if this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship or we will clash within a trial month. What I do know, though, is that I want to get closer to the engine that is turning the culture of this city. It's a terribly haphazard thing. Most of the wheels turning are in conflict with the other wheels absurdly. There were a couple of 'societies', as they like to be called (also cause things called societies don't have to pay tax, so we have quite a few), but those suck balls at the moment. There is a lot of good, fresh, ambitious even ideas, there is even some money... What's stuck in between the two, are certain people. People very good with keeping their seats and not so very good with making anything of the projects. Here's where my almost-ambition comes in. I LIKE this town. I love the little fairs and happenings that kind of, sort of animate it. Such as they are. I wanna do this for a little while. Fuck around with these projects, until they are actually cool projects that people can be proud of. Not tired,  starved attempts at something impressive. 

       At this moment, it seems I have all the right reasons to want to play. I'm angry and I have a lot of ideas. I may even have a little bit of a plan. And I have been working on my people skills/bedside/smiles for a month now. I am making a conscious effort to remember individuals. Okay, so so far that isn't working out to well, but I can always pretend to be sexually attracted to women and knowledge-starved towards men, and it sticks a little bit, my interest towards others. What has been always lacking in my core, was a reason to want to bother. Fame, fortune, opportunity, networking, all that shit has no appeal; I refuse to spend a single moment when I could be spending it playing Warcraft or kissing the General. This won't get me more money, sell more of my books. No. I have to trick my brain/heart/whatever into wanting to do this with another avenue of approach. 

      I have an idea. It will only work until it's acted upon. It has to remain a theory. The slightest realization or movement towards the realization of the idea will shift my target focus out of focus and this whole mock ambition thingie will go down like a dead balloon. I know, this plan sucks. But like so many great things planned for 2014 or the first half there-of, the only thing that stands between the actual result and a passionate attempt is my mood.

.... So no worries there, really. We're totally fucked.