I always get this odd tension in my chest when I want something. It's pure passion and I am fully aware that any kind of craving for earthly possessions is a testament to my vanity. Well fuck it. There are expensive things I want and once I see that something I like has a better, more costly and better packed alternative, I want THAT. I COULD settle for any kind of watercolor pencils - the ones I have are actually quite great, all 8 of them. But Faber-Castell has larger sets and then it has the Albrecht Dürer wooden box 120 pensils set and it costs way more than I can afford. It is the costliest one I could find. the tension in the chest alone is enough to inspire me to draw a whole book. Believe me. It happens this way. It is ambition, only I don't quite know that yet, because I never thought of it as before. I want it, so i'm going to do things to get it and then I am going to do things to redeem myself. Good thing I'm a painter, not a religious fanatic, eh?