It's been a week since I've tried reaching out into the world for lessons and approval, and my hands have been healing nicely. The nasty wounds on my palms (a little less stigmata and a little more psoriasis, though I could fool you) have been healing very neatly and I no longer cringe from shaking people's hands.
In the past three days, I have gone to the extremes of human condition. Each and every one was traumatic and rejuvenating to the point of primal urge to yell.
First was a fuck-lot-depressing funeral. I have gone to more funerals this year than all the rest of my life combined and each one was worse than the other. This time the corrupt shit-hearted faith-whore of a priest delivered such a disturbed sermon, I literally started crying. Luckily it was a funeral, but I was so upset I shook and trembled and would have had it much worse if my parents didn’t agree: this was ridiculous. We are communists (or at least one communist, one atheist and me respectfully in the middle) but we do respect other faiths if they are genuine and intimately between people and their needs to not feel small and alone, but this was simply awful. I was about to lose it when the guy said children conceived in test tubes have no chance of ever meeting the grace of that dude hanging from two sticks, so basically, because we need a little help of science to conceive, the General’s kids by me won’t stand a right to be baptized? (Though by now I think the General comprehends I would rather raise my offspring as Jewish than ever have them speak to the likes of these preachers.) If that didn’t seal my hatred of the lot, his comments on how we should be as devout as zealot Islamists in our faith – and of course no matter how much he charged for this, because they charge a lot for these masses, he still sent out the large basket and stared at people how much money they will give, more – that certainly did. I thought my dad will be upset when I put my hands in my pockets and showed my back to the creep in a dress when he approached me, but, in a moment of excellent family camaraderie, my dad did the same. We would have done much worse if this was not a funeral of our family member.
The second event, a day later, was a sex fair. We get one of these each years and as it turned out, people from all over, far across the borders, come, to check out the products and XXX starlets… I know I am a newbie and would have never gone alone if it were not for a very good friend of mine, who is the only other person I know to have the same taste in porn and speaks about sex the same cheerful, liberal way. She has also done this before, so she was not as shy as me and would explain a lot of stuff. I have to say, as far as some of the more costly products go, the temptation is indeed overwhelming. I especially liked this: http://en.lelo.com/index.php?collectionName=insignia-luxe&groupName=TIANI
…. Whereas the peoples on stage… That was a smack certain libido killer. Some people were so ugly, so sadly cheap-silicone, it made us blush. Some were just sad, old and … sad. There were very few that were not terrible and perhaps two of the visitors there would make me horny if I happened to be ovulating. The rest were just mostly sweaty single men who came to rub against ‘naughty nurses ‘in fishnets and whatever some of the others were supposed to be… Butt implants commercias or something. Then again I haven't seen these many tele-lenses and puffed up semi-professional cameras since the Nikon fair last week.
The finish day of this bizarre trio was the slaughter of the pigs in the General’s home farm. It’s still a double murder, terrible and nightmare-inducing, very cruel, very painful and to people like me, messed up. However, I tend to face the things that freak me out through a lens, so I got some good pictures. And I am a big fan of gross anatomy and like the study of internal organs, as long as there isn’t any blood involved. Plus there is something to be said about the General ripping out a pig’s spine as if he just met a Predator and fucked it up and said: “Wrong ooman, asshole.”
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