Things I loved, hated or plain and easy failed to understand about Prometheus

LOVED

The Wayland web site is SICK :D

The visuals. The start – thawing Iceland – the alien planet, the ships, the star maps, the costumes and people, everything was seriously glorious. And in daylight. All the previous movies were in the dark, so this was refreshing.

David. Another excellent performance by Fassbender, who appears to be equally ready to cause genocide, wash the dishes, perform oral sex or argue religion. In flip-flops. Except when there’s just the head left. But him re-doing his hair after watching Lawrence of Arabia is precious.

The fact that Noomi Rapace played a very nice, girly lady and still someone tough. She will have a hard time shedding Lisbeth as it is.

The promos. Wayland is one seriously uncomfortable enterprise. Yes, they do build better worlds, but half the time that causes more horror than good. Why no matter what one large company does, however benign and nice, they always have to make the big bucks by making something ridiculously terrible? I know a factory not far from where I live that makes the cutest kitchen appliances, but of course it also had to secretly make tank parts.

I thought of a dialogue for Gorgonaut, watching this movie… When first Gorgo beats Seti, and people ask her how that’s possible, she explain how it’s a trick that she was taught by dDaniel… And now I thought, she could add that he enabled her to exercise this trick because she believes that violence is NOT humanity’s most noble behavior… not by a long shot. And then a room-mate would ask if she’s something like a mental vegan – a hardcore pacifist. And she would say, well, yes, except that she enjoys spanking as a foreplay … :D

Many different aliens, alive or worshipped… Didn’t get the squid, but okay. I first thought, maybe if the godly dudes weren’t such assholes, that place was some sort of a cryogenic Noah’s ark.

I liked how the ship detected patterns on the landscape, even though the program didn’t honk anything when it did.

I liked that some of the stuff almost has something to do with the first alien. The space jockey that has an alien in his chest and crashes with a ship full of alien eggs on LV-426 is almost here… And the warning Shaw sends out is almost the same one that Nostromo crew picks up… And the alien that hatches from a squid is almost a xenomorph.

Zealots have no fear. Few die of old age. It would be nice if they actually survived long enough to publish an article about it.

HATED

Prometheus is the superest duperest ship (it is, it really is and I finally understand why people still carry books around everywhere – because batteries run out), and yet nobody has any idea what to do with it. Why do you have to open the biggest hatch ever to let people in? Can't you have, like, a side door for emergency IN the ramp? If this is such a superduper ship, set on an ALIEN PLANET, would hefty duty quarantine living area be too much to ask? The odds that someone is going to step into something funky are fairly high, considering the nature of the universe. It doesn’t have to be a monster, it could just be a rash. I would make half a ship into quarantine area, comfy and full of lab equipment, because I would expect most of the scientists would spend most of their time there anyway.

Hm. Scientists. Taking off the helmets just because the air is chemically breathable in an alien ship/tomb/weapon storage/unknown weird looking mega structure….  Seriously? This coming from species who teach our children that we have to wash our hands 50 times a day? For an archeologist, that cute kid was kinda really retarded. Every tomb ever has had some sort of anti-thieves trick up its sleeves, like walls painted with liquid silver or other serious shit, or bats shat in it so long air turned bad and I’m not even gonna go into spores, because those always freak me out too much. There could be something hallucinogenic in the air and then the crew would just go nuts on one another, THINKING up monsters.

Why does there always have to be Christian propaganda?? This is not the only religion, people, if you HAVE to stuff religion in everything, even if your main sponsors are rich Christians.

The amazing medical device in Vickers’ room… It can transplant a heart but it is only designed for male anatomy… Good call. So breast cancer and pregnancies are not advised in crew of any other gender.

Okay, so the lady who may not or may have been an android – Vickers – is the daughter of the richest guy alive (sorta), but she’ll screw a lowly ship captain. If she was really that horny, that’s why God created androids and made them look like Michael Fassbender, Lance Henriksen or, cutely enough, Peter O’Toole. And in the end when the ship captain plans to make a mess of both ships, when all her big talk of how she’s there to make sure things go as paid for, she runs. Shooting the mutinous crew is not taught in ice queen school for space industry executives?

How about never sending a posh ship in far off space without a big gun? Ever again?

In fact, that ship apart from very good looking recreational area and an interesting escape pod condo, didn’t really have much of anything? Yes, they came looking for the godly good looking dudes, but once you’re there, how about taking coring samples, lotsa photos, survey for natural resources, check out more than one town? If that geo specialist with a good haircut and bad social skills didn’t have his ‘pups’ on him, they would be kind of bummed, wouldn’t they?

Yeesh, this list is a lot longer than the + list O.o

DIDN'T GET

Who was the dude at the start of the movie? He looked kinda godly, but why was he left behind to drink something nasty and then he painfully dispersed into water? If he was trying to dissolve into bits of imperfect DNA, wouldn't there been easier way to do it? Like, say, masturbation or just collecting and then tossing his stem cells like grain or something? Was he sacrificing himself like the mythological Prometheus to give us a hand (by us I mean humans, as other God's creatures  are doing just fine) and the other angry godly dudes hated us because of that? But as my co-sufferer/council would put it – where do all the ancient civilization drawings come in? The »invitations«? Or are the godly looking dudes nice dudes and the human adventurers just had the misfortune of running into the dumbest mean bunch of jerks on LV-223?

Why were there always those holograms of godly dudes running around and stuff? Who made them, what kept them and how did David play them? Were they like a security camera warnings or found footage or what?

Why did the 2000 year old head in a helmet explode?

Why did they think the species is extinct just because they found a bunch of body parts on a site that had nothing to do with living environment but a lot more with a burial site? You don’t go to a cemetery, see everyone dead and think – the whole species is extinct…

When the two jumpy scientist, who flee first at the site of a headless space jockey (one a brutish geologist and one a biologist) actually do encounter snake-like ugly aliens, their first instinct is to pet it. And then they die.  More or less.

Okay, I understand that humans wouldn’t have good safety measures or come prepared, but why did the aliens have sloppy safety measures and would build a mass destruction bio weapons storage in the same mannerism as Skara Brae?

I can understand how Noomi Rapace’s character would be able to run around after an intensely invasive surgery – adrenaline and morphine make for a potent cocktail – but how her would didn’t rip or bleed at all, leak and in fact appeared to be almost healed… All courtesy of a machine that doesn’t recognise female anatomy. But it was nice an archaeologist could operate it. Personally I would be very happy if emergency things on mixed crew vessels had big friendly buttons. Like, so you didn’t need a doctorate to close a hatch on a life boat whilst running out of air by pressing forty or so small, unmarked tiny bits of glassy surface not made for people in large safety gloves. Whatever happened to big res push things?

If they travelled a very dangerous and expensive journey to a very faraway place, with the purpose of making contacts, why did they have a) zero plan how to do that should they actually find an alien life form other than flatworms in black goo; b) why the first time they found something the Vickers lady torched it? And c) why did everyone on the survey team start to freak out when they found the first samples, even if they were corpses and even if they were, you know, alien. Not to mention why did they all start to cry when the aliens didn’t all come with pointers and labels? That was a ship that could take off and look for another place, no? Imagine someone came to Earth and the first thing they landed on was Antarctica or Mauretania or something? 

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