How General faces my fears

... by buying me slippers and monsters :D

Second attempt overcoming my fear of heights. The General bought me climbing slippers and a monster chalk pouch, so that took half the fear away right there. I got about three feet higher yesterday, but later on lost pretty much all of the strength in my forearms, so I just practiced letting go from cca 10 ft up. The climbing is great and the swinging on the rope even cooler, but that specific moment of losing a grip .. that is giving me nightmares. It’s a stupid, very realistic impulse, I just need to acquire mental equilibrium of trusting the ropes and the people that protect me. The gym feels a lot smaller now and I didn’t even know I had muscles in my wrists. They’re bubbly. Dope :D And then of course there was Samo, telling me about the shape of the holds remind him of his ugly balls, suggesting that if I climb to the top, there were only going to be holds the shape of General’s lovely balls … Which is by far the weirdest motivational speech I have ever heard and yet now I pretty much skip the first few holds to rise higher on the account of icky. The panic still kicks in and I still lose control of my breathing, but also, it’s pretty funny. Or at least it’s fairly fun.

I’m amazed I am able to type today. That shit hurts. Have an odd need to do push-ups and stand-ups suddenly. Two days ago I ate a frigging APPLE! Like, an actual fruit. From a tree! I ordered pancakes with fruit in them. Surreal, I’m telling you. Spring is having a very peculiar effect on me.

Anyhoo. It was a lovely, long day. Had drinks with a friend after we stopped climbing and General waited up for me, because I think he is a) curious about this sport, even though the shoulder wouldn’t let him have it and b) likes to see me face monsters. (That is a big fucking gym. Like, VAST.)

Will probably try again today. I really really really need to finish the projects, because I have so many better things to do..

I do have one big problem, though, and that is my total lack of ambition.. When you overcome a route and tap the top of the wall and people compliment on your achievement… I just don’t feel that. I have zero need to climb to the top. If it was up to me, I would climb sideways for the duration of the training. Top… Tops are just a very masculine thing. Granted, I have been told I have an arrogant masculine side, but this isn’t a part of it. I enjoy the motion. I don’t enjoy the achievement.