Day 1
Hopped from camp to camp like Goldilocks – one was
too crowded, the other was too expensive, the third was too naked… Tired, we landed
in an old place from days of future past… Coincidentally the place where I
once, about a decade ago, first kissed my then husband, who taught surfing in
this camp. Back in the living room, behind the comp, I steered clear of this region
like the plague, though it was a very nice place. We were lucky with the roads,
as all of the painfully long lines for the bridge and the ferry and the toll
stretched down the opposite lanes. Only took us twice the planned time and the
weather cleared, too. Half an hour to pitch the tent, half an hour to inflate
the kayak, jumping into the water, snorkelling, paddling, having sex in four
different really bizarre but really fun positions in almost zero gravity … when
the voice of ex-husband got to us across the small bay. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
me?! Talk about a boner killer.
Would
have been something to feel very awkward about, if in my grand idiotic
inability to plan vacations I didn’t manage to place our tent, like, a 100 feet
away from where the ex was cotting. Of all the gin joints in all the world,
seriously?!… So an awkward situation very quickly became a really fucking
awkward situation. General began polishing his machete.
Day 2
Dug ditches like a pro. Made insta coffee from
lukewarm water and then rain fell. If torrents come down on our tiny
settlement, we’ll be buggered. Or at least muddy and wet. And cranky. So I dug
a few more ditches. Good thing we both have army training, otherwise those
would just be muddy lines all around a muddy tent. All the spiders migrated in
the outer shell, to dry off. Kayak is experiencing an identity crisis, as it now
contains water as opposed to being on top of the situation.
Midnight: superthunderstorm. The lightning
struck the shop in the middle of the camp and remote turned on all our phones
and drained the batteries. I was worried about being electrocuted on the first
day, so we had sex during which I could actually make noise. You can’t really
be as noisy as I am, and there is nothing much more than a handkerchief separating
your form the rest of the family camp. But during thunderstorm it’s okay. On
minus side, having a bit of bladder infection. On plus side, ditches held up!
Go army training!
Day 3
Fucked up again, because I snuck out to paddle
across the bay, where I was not supposed to, because G worries some wild yacht
will cut me into pink little pieces and also the kayak. I like the opposite
side, because reasons. It’s not peopled or tame and there are big sea shells and
pretty stones to make a shamble. There’s a secluded house with a romantic pier (actually
the sort of a place to go have dates on, if you happen to like to paddle), a
secluded (pirate!) bay, some nasty jagged reefs, capes… I like to be away from the camp. Most
families have small children and those are a fucking nightmare, until you start
to listen in on what the parents are like; then kids start making sense. But
there is a song bird by one of the tents, constantly flirting with itself. A
lot of people in the camp ‘talk’ to it. It’s lovely. And many people have dogs.
I miss mine. Anyhoo, long story short, the General was again pissed at me for
disobeying him. Even if he pretends not to be angry for too long, when we go to
bed, when he falls asleep, he does the pinching thing and he was pinching me
badly today.
Made him some nice soup for dinner, as he was
feeling poorly, testing the tiny gas bomb stove thingie. It’s actually a proper
fun!
Day 4
Made pancakes with Nutella and dry raspberries
in a tiny pan. Very windy. We have so many ropes, holding down the canvas over
the tent and then the tents, our settlement feels like a cat burglar’s training
grounds.
Have not used bathroom products since we got here. My skin is super beautiful and am sporting a hobo hag look, which suits me fantastic.
Day 5
Water like oil this morning, before dawn. Paddled
hard core to the next town, with camera in a cat food can for safety. Took
pickies as if this was Marki, having finally stopped missing it. Paddled back
and did not get scolded this time, as stuck to the right side of the shore. We
did some diving to look for shells, some smoochie, then just sat on the surf
and let the waves rock us, I fell asleep a bit, tangled in G’s arms and the
water was same temp as air. Perfect happiness, supremely elemental. Off to a
civilised meal in the Osor town; what date is it today anyways?
Day 6
Watched kitschy sunrise. Was boring, so we
pretended to watch cloud porn. I made up a story ‘bout a Cloud Doctor. Still
having a damn hard time writing “Veris”, which is gloomy social drama and this
place is paradise. Also, have spent so long diminishing bad narrative, suddenly
dialogue is problem. My stage instructions are longer than debates. Would
probably need another manual on how to write JUST dialogue… again.
Day 7
Decided to leave. Partially, because the
weather was starting to turn sour again and partially because I went and talked
to the ex.. Was odd. I said something very strange. I have no idea why I said
it. It was supposed to make sense, but it came out of a very strange place,
somewhere way beyond my head and not quite yet in the cunt. What’s between? Oh,
right, the long gone heart. Will elaborate on this subject in some other post.
Am sleepy now and full of Serbian food. Anyways, I said: “I cannot have two husbands
and the one I do have can’t be you.”
G was so angry he deflated my kayak and we went
home.
---
On the way home, stopped in the military museum
in Pivka. There were lots of tanks. General cheered up and now he has calmed
down summat. We also bought half the gift shop, which always helps. Got the dog
from parents.
I so fucking need to talk to someone. Writing
usually helps, put sometimes you just need a friend to bitchslap you back to senses.
I think my heart might suddenly be back in town.
Like, how the fuck did that happen??
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