Brain still locked. :/  I tried to paint again today, but, nuhh. Fucking brain. Did I mention G said I have all the painting materials in the world and still refuse to use them? Expensive brushes, paper, dye? I can see myself trying to draw what other people would like and it clashes like a bad joke with what I like, leaving me with a bad sketch and a feeling of blindness. 

It's right there, behind the door. A closed door. I can feel it's warmth, breathing, and I have sooo many things to be excited about, so much love and sex and naughty things I do, piratey things, rogue stories. Like a ghost walks right beside me, being able to do all those things and I can't. 

Maybe tomorrow.