Ugh, G woke me up from a nightmare too roughly today. He shouldn't have done that and he knows not to, but he got home with warm food and barged in, shouting: get up, get up, yumm yumm! Normally I'd just wake up and be grumpy, but happy soon enough, aww, man. Not this time. The brain just wouldn't let go.

     It wasn't an active nightmare, no particular movement to it, it just involved a small sense of urgency (I couldn't find a proper place to park my bike and was worried it would get stolen.) The nightmare bit was a fact I was visiting a friend who lived in a very very tall skyscraper, the tallness of which became a problem as soon as I started considering it. First, I rode in the elevator and the anxiety set in with every floor we ascended, then once I stepped out, I could see how high we are through the windows and the stairs were such you could see way down through the railings. All of these bothered me so intensely, crippling me, my knees completely weak and my chest in a grip, I had to sit down and sort of crawl towards my friend's apartment. I have to do that sometimes, go on all fours, if a hill I am climbing is too steep or just too tall. Even if there is no need to worry about falling, I simply don't want to add to the hight of my situation. (But that happens rarely. I avoid steep slopes.) When G woke me I was at the core of the tension, practically paralyzed in spot, like when you're sports climbing and you get so scared you lock into position and refuse to open your eyes and move again. It wasn't horrible, it was just intense. He should not have woken me at that moment, and then insist I get up before the food gets cold. It felt like all of the serotonin in my body just turned to salt.