You wouldn't be able to say just by looking at him, at how nervous the General is about keeping everyone safe. We are talking about a man who would singlehandedly keep a post office running if need be and who continues to volunteer for just about anything anyone asks him. He gives food to the homeless and does not hesitate to lend a hand to anyone in need. And his most obvious feature is pretending to be absolutely and entirely calm and in control. I have known this from the earliest stages of our relationship - not being in control is his greatest worry - not being able to help if someone, anyone needed him.

So, just by looking at him, you would think it's just another Thursday for him. Especially to me. He is being the confident captain to me, as if it means anything. Of course it doesn't. I have no problem with great men showing fear or doubt or worry. But I can tell not everything is fine by the way he's a) stocked the fridge (never happens, we are just not that kind of people); b) allowed me to purchase almost half a dozen computer games (I am allowed perhaps one a year and even then only if I've finished the previous one); c) he continues to prohibit me from going anywhere, I am barely allowed to walk the dog for an hour - if it was up to him, I would spend that hour tossing a fetch ball to the mutt; d) he misses my dad and my dad's roast and admits to really wanting it, but would not even chance getting a piece from a bag hung on the railing at the estate in fear of dad instantly coming out to be with us (dad's kind of lonely, too, but that's just because he must stay in, otherwise you wouldn't get him off their hill for anything).

G came home from getting the food today and at the door shouted: NO! Fuck!! ... I ran to check what happened and he admitted, defeated: I just realized I forgot to buy your butter. (Lactose-free. Which I eat maybe once a month, but I put it on the list in case we make dumplings.)

Er ... I think I'll live, schnookums. But thank you. Now please calm down.

He sounds like those police officers or first responders who act all cool until they spill a little bit off coffee on their pants or something and it's the end of the world. 

Adorable dumb fuck.

The General and my late brother making fun of one another, back in the good old days