I gotsta say, if life ever turns in a direction where G just so happens to marry again someone else in the future, he'll be more than fully equipped to deal with any kind of mental disarray. Good news for me, not so for him, as having to hold someone's sane soul like a frail egg in your hands is a bit of a bummer.

But ye. He manages me perfectly. Whether he is just that good or whether he just sees me as a small child, either way. We had sorta Xmass dinner up at mum's place, as sis is keeping her distracted by cooking and baking to no end. Which is great, except they set the table in the living room, where, you know, dad lived out his few final days and where I haven't been able to even peek inside, yet alone step in. Sis tried to bait me by hanging my favourite chocolate on the makeshift tree, and mum snapped at me to stop making a fuss. But I had 20 days to try and work a way around it and it wasn't happening. If I had a say, I would never go into the room again. My brain is fully able to paint over certain stressful stuff, but it does have an uncanny ability to not only remember a certain thing to painstaking detail, but it also tends to fill in the gaps like a supercomputer. 

So, asking G to help me, as I am not very good with walking into spaces yet - where the heating furnace is, is also a problem - a million little items there that dad brought, used or touched. Or turned to charcoal. G took my hand and said alright, let's go. And we went around the living room, to the corners, around furniture, rounding the central fireplace, to the sofa pretty decorated tree, everywhere. Dispersing demons, making sure they don't grow. Nipping symbolism in the bud.

There's an inner G, as well. A voice of reason within me. I had an urge to secretly start buying things I know dad would love, and store them someplace secretly. Not unlike eastern religions have little shrines for their ancestors. But an inner G commented: that would solve absolutely nothing, it would just make you feel weirder. Quit acting like a freak. 

Am still not allowed to get a comfort animal, though. He says I have a bunch of animals and all they do is manage and irritate me. Fair enough.