The Twilight fucking zone of my latest book continues.
I am fully aware that this is the unavoidable part of the publishing a piece
process, but I am still overwhelmed by how incredibly disarmed I feel. We've
been through this last week, when the editor changed my text entirely and I
felt pretty fucking stupid for allowing that, not knowing better. Then for a
few days it was okay, we found a common ground to work in and continued fine.
And then, WHAM!, again, yet another editor... No wait, here's the kicker. this
one isn't even supposed to be the editor. This one is supposed to be the
grammar proof reader. But no. Now THAT one on top of the first one is going
through my text, throwing out stuff that I put in there for a reason. The
reason being, they ASKED me to write a perky, unique book. They asked me to
write it LENGHTILY. And now? Now they are throwing out any sign of it being
written by a travel-happy human and cutting it half short.
But that isn't even happening executively. No, that
happens in a process of the text being sent back and forth to me up to five or
seven times. I literally started pulling my hair out last night. Nobody
has answered me WHY this is happening, WHY they asked me to write a cute travel
book only to fuck it up completely just before it's printed. I could have
written ANY kind of book, I could have written it so boring it would seem
as if generated by a GPS lady.
I cracked this morning, so, so sad. And torn. I didn't
wanna fuck up this opportunity to prove myself to the ONLY publishing company
that still exists - even if just barely - in the country. But I really don't
like the direction they are taking. And it makes me wonder - is it me? Was my
book actually so poorly written? was it actually... TOO PERKY? Too aloof? Too
fucking unique? Was it too so much so even AFTER the first - and then after the
SECOND editing? Because after the second time we edit every chapter, then come
the "real editors" and just rape it up into unrecognizable string of
boring data. The ONE thing they asked me to create. A not boring string of
data.
I can live without having any say in the title. I
loved Tiny Karlins, because in my language it sounds perfect for this exact
book. But okay. I loved the cover I made specifically for this book. But no, of
course not. It has to be like the other are. Says the commercialist posing as
my fourth editor. I can even live with parting with some of the funny stories I
put in to make the otherwise bland events more depthy.
But I can't live with having my text completely and
utterly altered in to the exact thing they hired me NOT to write. That just
fucking rips me in two.
And to top all that, I've been reading the original
Prometheus script, when it was still called Aliens: the engineers. Those who
hated Prometheus kept saying that this script was so much better and it
explained all the weird stuff happening that made people hate the movie.
Well... I just can't see it. I've already figured out all of the issues of the
movie by using common sense and reading a lot of theories. In fact I actually
far PREFER the movie version, because most of the script reads like some
fucking boring rip-off of an early Crichton novel of the AVP verse. Uuuu, the genius
archeology professor and his very beautiful but very girly student. Uuuu, the
evil yet incredibly intelligent android that wants to kill everyone to get his
boss the technology. Uuuu, the ruddy crew that looses it when faced with mortal
danger.
How much more done to death do you need to get?? We
GOT all that in the past fourteen or so Alien/Predator movies, thanks. I really
didn't need to have it spelled out for me again. I LOVED the way Prometheus was
done. Oh, and the ship isn't called Prometheus, isn't important cause the
titan dude gave men fire (science). Wayland isn't looking for science.
Prometheus is the equivalent of phoenix in this case, because the titan dude
not only made people smart, he made people PERIOD. Wayland is looking for life.
Not scientific profit.
So ... So I'm thinking the book I've written is like
that script. It's okay. It's not bad. But to make it into a best-seller of the
season (okay, only because it will be the ONLY seller of the season), does it
need to go though the grinding mills of smarter people than me? And yet ... I
don't really see any Ridley Scotts in that publishing house. I just see a bunch
of very tired and very polite people following orders of the commercialists,
pushing original texts under the train to get bland bullshit and get
paid.
So what am I to do? Admit they know better and just
collect my paycheck, hoping they were right and I will be praised, learning a
valuable lesson? Or stand by my original text and never open the book once it's
published, for it may as well bare any given name at all, having nothing to do
with my work?
I pray we weather this through. This piece was meant
to prove me as a professional. All it did is made me hate the profession .
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