The film seminar

Off to the seminar on movie education in the Capital... I haven't been here so long, that ... Well, lemme tell it like this - the last time I was here, the chairs were still wooden and they rolled late night porn. (And cartoons. Before you starting looking at me weirdly. I watched cartoons. Which is a curious combo, come to think of it..) It has somewhat changed. I feel like I'm in a space centre, watching a launch. There are translators in the booth and a sound technician. I arrived with a backpack and a shopping bag full of things I'll need later on when I have a sleepover. The only way I would look even more out of place is if I would be typing this on a typewriter...

On the way here I passed the national bookstore and my book was in the middle of the shopwindow.. And now I'm sitting in an international film seminar... I can't help but wonder... If I made more effort to go places, participate things, meet more folk... If I'd travel with the big boys enough to feel like I belong? I imagine every single one of these people is really cool and interesting. I feel like my dad must have felt too often, covering this shit.  I keep panicking, because I know so litttle :/

Another big city feat - the lunch was great. Okay, so I am on a diet and everything tastes great, but there really was a neat buffet for 200 people. I imagine I should be networking. There are people actually here who recognise me from a long time ago. But I am not much for networking. I sit in the first row and talk to the guests and when they answer, I just sort of feel like it's just us. 

I am always at places for the ideas they inspire. Not relations. Relations are something else, empty promises of collaboration and competition of who did what to/for whom. Spare me the 'I make more money than you, doing what you want to be doing.' I don't have to leave my village to have that, if I wanted it. The older women look like they speak French and write lenghtily reviews for important publications, while the younger men look like posh gay Rasputins. Just lemme listen to the lectures. These are really good lectures. 

But what I first need is coffee. The lunch was too good. Or I'll be needing a blankie and a neat nap :p