Oddly enough, this one I didn't hate. After several American popcorn 'meh's, this one was actually kind of fulfilling. I can't grasp why that witless minion Tom Cruise is so charismatic and of course Emily Blunt is always amazing.. But also, I don't know. Even without the war drama or Louvre first sunk, then blowing up... I thought it was well done. I liked the first part better, especially right up until his first - SPOILER - dying. That's the morning of battle and if you're into battles, it's really adventurous, but if you're not, that the bit that rips you in two and if you survive, you're a mental patient.
Cue the cool OST: .....
Plot goes pretty much as you would expect. A dumb, reluctant chosen one, named Neo - I mean Cage - is thrown into a blitzkrieg chaos of humanity's last stand against the sentinels (which are aliens this time). He hooks up with a superior warrior lady Trinity - I mean Full Metal Bitch Rita Rose Vrataski, flailing a Cloud Strife broadsword - who is ready to die either for him or for the battle any number of times. There is an evil central Occulus type of a deal, Omega, which needs to be personally blown to shit, because for some reason Earth-to-Earth missiles wouldn't do the trick this time, and the rest of the alphabet of evil yet effectively chop-everything-up minions. The loser goes from a dickless PR to a super ninja over a course of 200 or so trial and error suicides, until he runs out of his sight. Literally for Neo, figuratively yet truly for Cage. With a little bit of a help from his other suicidal friends/army rejects, he blows up what remains of Louvre, but saves the day... By going back another day. I didn't get that last bit. But seeing Mrs. Metal Bitch do her beautiful plank-on-hands form was worth it. At first i thought she is doing it on just one hand, but two is okay, too.
And although this was a D-Day Normandy type of a landing, I was glad it wasn't trying to be Saving Private Ryan, with intestines being dragged around behind severed people... Everybody kept dying all the time, but there really wasn't any blood to speak of... Maybe alien, which looked like liquid silver ink.
Cue the cool OST: .....
Plot goes pretty much as you would expect. A dumb, reluctant chosen one, named Neo - I mean Cage - is thrown into a blitzkrieg chaos of humanity's last stand against the sentinels (which are aliens this time). He hooks up with a superior warrior lady Trinity - I mean Full Metal Bitch Rita Rose Vrataski, flailing a Cloud Strife broadsword - who is ready to die either for him or for the battle any number of times. There is an evil central Occulus type of a deal, Omega, which needs to be personally blown to shit, because for some reason Earth-to-Earth missiles wouldn't do the trick this time, and the rest of the alphabet of evil yet effectively chop-everything-up minions. The loser goes from a dickless PR to a super ninja over a course of 200 or so trial and error suicides, until he runs out of his sight. Literally for Neo, figuratively yet truly for Cage. With a little bit of a help from his other suicidal friends/army rejects, he blows up what remains of Louvre, but saves the day... By going back another day. I didn't get that last bit. But seeing Mrs. Metal Bitch do her beautiful plank-on-hands form was worth it. At first i thought she is doing it on just one hand, but two is okay, too.
And although this was a D-Day Normandy type of a landing, I was glad it wasn't trying to be Saving Private Ryan, with intestines being dragged around behind severed people... Everybody kept dying all the time, but there really wasn't any blood to speak of... Maybe alien, which looked like liquid silver ink.
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