Monday, 20 February 2017
Sleep paralysis episode
I had my second sleep paralysis
episode in my life tonight. Half of the time I was laughing at myself,
thinking: are you kidding me? Brain? Me? ME?? Come on! Like someone trying to
pickpocket a professional jewel thief.
I went to bed at
around midnight, cold and hungry, having just finished editing a text. G was
long asleep and very hot, and angry for me having woken him up an hour before
his alarm (graveyard shift), so for the next hour or so we lay in bed, him
warming me up, me cooling him down, breathing peacefully. Then he got up and
left for work and I finally fell asleep.
I felt someone walking
on the bed, which woke me. Not only can there never be anyone doing that,
because the bed is under the ceiling –there isn’t supposed to be anyone in the
room. I came to, but could not move. I knew exactly what is happening. My eyes
refused to open no matter how hard I concentrated on getting them, so I could
see who goes there. They were going to have to wait. Then I assumed this weird
tense sensation and a little bit of fatigue was a result of an earthquake waking
me up (happens sometimes) or about to happen. I paid attention on whether
plaster will start to dust down on my face, meaning I should probably try and
roll off and get to safety of G’s mancave. I could sense my mouth was open and I was
screaming, but no sound came out, so I decided that is very stupid and I am not
a screaming type.
Clearly, I was still
asleep. But I checked every box on the ‘how to get out of a lucid dream’ list:
I told my brain this is too obvioustly a dream and it should stop fucking
around; I engaged the frontal lobe by thinking about horse race betting and
prostitutes; I sought meticulously to any part of my body which would stir and
thus connect the stem. I was also laughing, because if you don’t panic, the
whole thing is pretty entertaining.
Finally, having failed
to move my eyes, tongue, fingers, toes, etc, I figured I am still breathing, so
I should pump so much air into my stomach, it will start to hurt. That worked. The
actual pain broke the spell and I stirred and got out of it. By that point I was
so bored I just turned and went back to sleep.
When I told the
General, he said: it was just a dream. I answered: Ya think?! I kinda figured
that one out halfway during.
Truly, tough, the
trick is not to panic. If you don’t panic and you’re in no hurry (no-one
walking on your bed, no earthquake …), the whole thing is kind of fun,
especially if you are able to observe it consciously. Makes for a good story.
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