Could not sleep AT ALL, some full moon shit or something (though Coke and cocoa peppered with coffee might also have had something to do with it ...) I know I had plans to draw all night, still on G's graveyard shift turn, but G couldn't sleep either, so he ordered me to bed at one. The day itself was miserable - an elder gentleman whom I was very fond of passed, a sudden shitty disease and that just pulls the rug out from under me every time, I hate hate hate death. There is no silvery cloud garden for me in my beliefs, no 70 virgin fuck-boys, no conscious make-over of the soul in another carbon frame. Deterioration, disease, death. Then no more. No person, no laughter, no more stories in their voice, no unique reactions or commentary on something you're dubious about. He had two amazing hunting dogs, clever as all, on their tiny short legs, walking them to the hunting ground usually on the same leash - they were adorable and the best we've had in the group. 

      I know you're supposed to remember people fondly and be grateful for the time you've been given to share with them. Well, remembrance is over-rated and gratitude is fake, time is always too short. To think I've lived more than half in the best of scenarios is too frightful not to cry. 

      So, could not sleep and was not allowed to draw. I've switched from the 'unable to copy Pinterest stuff' to 'able to copy Pinterest stuff', which is a step up. No wonder I am so obsessed with making paint - it's as close as one can get to painting without actually having to paint :D I wanted to read an eBook, but I only like horror lately and I'm not allowed to read horror when I'm in such a bad mood. The sex was not working either, we tried for about half an hour and it was fun enough, but gradually we just receded to embracing and then kind of dozing off - but not really sleeping either. I remember thinking G's alarm will go off at just before five, so then at least I'll be able to get up. Guess I finally managed to get some shut-eye towards morning, as I do remember the alarm, but then the dog woke me and she usually yelps at nine. In all, a miserable, sleepless night.