Minor panic attack. Then again I AM heavily medicated....

Mikro panic attack today, due to filth. Must have broken a dozen appliances and myself. Not saying I'm not super phobic about dirt, but phobia means 'groundless fear' and this is anything but groundless. This fucking apartment is so old that no matter how I try to clean it, it makes zero difference. I can scrub the floors *twice*, right on my knees and the moment it dries and someone walks over it, small clots of dust and hairballs pop right up and start gathering around ... everything.There is also of course the cast dust, that if you try to wash, becomes smeared chalk tracks on pretty much everything, and the dishes that everybody uses and nobody ever washes in my ancient, disgusting tiny little sink. For a moment I was standing over the pile, thinking I should just take a club and smash it all and then toss it. Could also do that with the disgusting linens on the bed that everybody's been using to get to the high parts of the construction and is now less clean than puke - but of course if I try to change it, I ruin another set. Doesn't help if things are protected - this IS protected. Dust EVERYWHERE, so thick it cannot be wiped, it can only be washed, and no access to wardrobes, because the tools are left everywhere (we are not talking hammers and nails but machines the size of me),  and so if I put clean things onto anything, it gets a) knocked over, b) touched or bumped by dirty things and c) messed around about while someone is looking for something else. Corners have been gathering greasy filth for 180 years, they practically SPAWN more of it. And I have to sit in this shit cage for 12 hours, alone, while people only make more mess. Taking a shower is something to do with your eyes closed so you don't see what has become of the already gruesome bathroom now that dirty stuff is just tossed in the proximity of the linens basket (and I'm not talking about used panties or slightly sweaty shirts. That's *pristine* by comparison.)  There is just no way to get to all the floor and banish it. Drop a hair pin and when you pick it up again, it has human hair, dog hair, dust, filth and bits of cast stuck to it.

         This is after I have swept, vacuumed and washed everything I could reach. I dropped a pin, picked it up and had a fit.