First time in the park...

 

(And a ton of failed attempts :)))

"You're not as good at defense as you think..."

LoL, yestereve was a delicious karate practice - Baby Sifu had us for kumite, easy first and then he asked the highest belts to face off the lowest.. For three times in a row, I was with a black belt lady who punched me in the boobs and stomach so fast I didn't even see her coming... and this was her on slow-mo! She wanted me to attack, which I could not do, and then she tried attacking me, and I was basically a frozen chicken, closing my eyes and shrinking every time. My biggest problem is that I tense up so insanely - everyone says so - that not only do I burn through all my stamina, but I am too rigid to move properly. But this was the best convo ever:

    Her: "Stop retreating so much, you are not as good at defense as you think."

Like.. lady... I am EVEN WORSE at offense!! 😂

    The second pairing was with baby Sifu, which I always comment with: Oh, fuck me...  (He is way taller and way better with his legs than I am with my arms...) And he warned me not to use profanity in a room full of grade schoolers... then he tried to kick me and I saw an opening and smacked him ... on his BUTT. Like, I literally smacked his butt. He recoiled and went Meoww??!, half in jest, half embarrassed and I was dying from embarrassment. In my defense, the only person I ever spar with is the General and in his case, there are no moral limits. So, there I was, sexually misappropriating an instructor. 

   But it's a good thing it was his butt - had I done the same to any other teacher, Go would have probably been very insulted and would have a problem with my behavior, whereas the King, well... His wife was in the dojo and she would probably break my nose. 

    The second best moment was when we were doing kata, one of the annoying, misbehaving kids was next to me and we went through the first two, then Nidan and then the higher belts did Sandan and Yondan and I was able to follow almost flawlessly (I can easily do Yondan if I watch someone occasionaly, or can maybe do Godan if I watch someone closely..), leaving the other kids to stare and frown, why do I know them? That nagging kid was puzzled most of all. A small victory over the little shit, but I'll take it. 

New puppy, some business trouble and some love ache...

Kisha has been with us for exactly a week. Crazy freaking puppy. So cool, I cannot tell you. Smart, loving, enthusiastic (about killing socks and slippers but also watching us pee) and basically a tornado with teeth. But she's forced us to clean up the kitchen to the very best of our abilities and it's been good.

Business trouble continues, due to the relentlessly stalled fucking customs in New York port. The orders are long past due and the customers are getting unhappy. I have no fucking idea WTF, but it is scary and miserable and of course, nobody wants to buy anything, because who wants to wait SEVEN FUCKING WEEKS for a tiny package. This has been causing my shop to liger at a virtual standstill and not only does the prospect of Scotland look bleak, so does paying basic utilities and loans. I work twice as hard and get almost no results. It is wrenching. 

On an even worse subject, one of my five loves has been slowly taken from me ... by this stupid diet. I am now fed mainly by paleo raw granola and seeds, turkey ham slices (I need salt), protein shakes and occasional roasted hazelnut... This means when I have a cheat day and jump on a cake like it's crack, and some Pepsi, I get so sick and queasy, it lingers for days and I am unwell. That whole 'a minute on the lips, three days in the hips' now refers to diarrhea and overall tummyache. So not only do I get three days of awful headache if I secretly indulge in a single coffee, but now cake is becoming an issue. (Okay, it was two pieces.) That's TWO out of five loves of my life. I mean, come on. Be less cruel, universe. I'm such a good critter.