Thursday, 30 April 2015

drobTinka's food porn part #2

Freaky movie dream

Had this freaky dream today, one of my movie dreams – which in fact I was hoping would last longer, so I would get some answers. The movie was a blend of the Cube, a doc about being taken hostage in Bolivia, movie Blindness and my army days.
In the dream, I woke up, along with some 30 or so other people, in a room of a military barracks. The room was clean and not that of an abandoned compound. The people were South Americans – I remembered I’ve been hitchhiking and taking train rides in Bolivia, though most of my luggage was gone. Most of possessions on the people were also gone – all phones, wallets and small weapons, like knives. I touched my leg to see when was the last time I shaved (as suggested in The Cube). Everyone was freaking out, so I started to tell them to calm down, be quiet, sit down, conserve their energy and just try to think. There were not enough beds for everyone, but all of the beds were neatly made – no dust on them, either. The door was locked and the window wasn’t only barred, but also there was a screen over it, so we couldn’t see outside. I suggested we make a small hole and peek – in case something outside was bad for us, some kind of gas or radiation or very cold or volcano ash.But it was just a fence and a forest. Truth was, nobody could remember anything pass the train ride. It didn't even seem like we were dragged. I asked if there is anyone sick or injured and there was a woman with an asthmatic child and a man with diabetes, so I asked people if anyone had any candy or gum with eucalyptus, which may help the kid a little and my only water bottle went to the diabetic guy. A hysterical woman beside him agreed to watch over him in case he started to get sick – it is always good to give people a purpose. I also asked any methodical, mathematical thinkers to take our names and dates and try to figure out any connection that would bring us closer to answers. Dates, blood types, anything. The diabetic man, whom I decided will trust more than others, because it was difficult to do everything on my own, I asked to shield me with a sheet while he checks the skin on my body for needle marks or any other kind of abnormalities. We agreed that in best case scenario this was some sick government experiment and in worse, bar an epidemic, we were in for organ trade. There was a hysterical man there – the guy that I know from my employment workshop, who continued to pick on me and argue with me, so I told him that since he is clearly in need to keep speaking up and a pessimist, he can be the leader. So that when someone comes, he should try to get as much information from them as possible. The diabetic guy asked me why I suggested such a man as the leader and I replied that in case we were being held hostage or being used for organ harvest, the kidnappers tend to kill someone early on as an example and he seemed the right choice. As terrible as that may sound, every study shows that 50% of fatalities in mixed groups under prolonged life-threatening situations is caused by other people.
As the time passed, it became more and more clear that nobody is holding us hostage – we really did not have anything in common – and even if someone put us here in try to help us or protect us, they were not coming back. If this was quarantine, we were left behind. People began to need the bathroom and we didn’t have anything. I took my 3 mattresses (army mattresses are 1x1meter times 3 for easier transport and you have to know how to make a military bed – it’s a system.) and put them in a corner, so that when people would pee on them, it wouldn’t flood all over the room. We used my sheets to make a makeshift latrine and put some spare clothes over excrement. In two days we ran out of all the water and food and nothing was happening. We broke ‘my’ bed to make tools and worked the door until it gave. I went outside (I insisted we wait for daybreak), to look for people, but the compound was empty or either hostiles or any evidence of foul-play or disaster. No traps or visible cameras, either. There were other people in the rooms, whom I suggested they do the same with bed-legs and try to unhinge the doors. Once I made sure there is nothing dangerous outside – just a Bolivian forest and a dirt road, I looked for some food and water, but there was nothing. We didn’t want to linger too long. Under the pretense of taking everyone’s name and date, we assembled everyone in the yard. In lines, according to rooms. People were terribly tired and hungry, but they were also angry and afraid. I said this is in case some of us get to town and alarm search and rescue, so that we find everyone. But I kept shifting people out of lines, though nobody (the diabetes guy suspected) saw the pattern. This was in case someone was scanning our thermal imagery: I spelled the words F U C K  Y O U. Then we started going down the road and into the forest, leaving the ugly, eerie grey military complex behind. Never any answers, never any closure. I woke up and really wanted to go back to get to town and drum up the police and media until some answers were offered… But I couldn’t go to sleep afterwards. And it was almost 8 a.m. already – time to get the heck up and go shoot Tinka’s food porn :P (Photos of her goodies coming soon.)

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Avengers, Ultron (some spoilers, beware)

Incidentally went to a 3D screening of Avengers: Age of Ultron.. I am not a fan of 3D, because the technology is not very good in my town just yet and it usually really ruins the experience – my head hurts, I can't see shit, the ticket is 50% more expensive and I can hardly follow the story, trying to look around the screen for details while action unfolds. If I had known it was going to be in 3D, I'd have waited till tomorrow. In fact I felt like one of those war generals, so obsessed with getting something done to a certain date, they ignore any warning or stats on casualties – they just want that hill by that hour! … I was worried that the longer I wait, the more I will be told about the plot and I didn't really want as many spoilers as I usually need to be calm about a story. I didn't want to learn, say, that Hawkeye dies or something like that. I mean, he doesn't. But I didn't want to know that. I enjoyed the worry.
As it turns out, the technology is catching up a little and this was actually an amazing experience. In fact, it was slightly addictive. I just may see another in 3D… Like Mad max or something.
Anyways, regarding the movie … It could have been longer. I think there would have been more of a story development – or stories – if it was way longer and all of the people besides the Avengers weren't just a few second cameos. I don't know any back stories or if knowing them would make a difference – what was the deal with Strucker? And Heimdall? Nat and Banner? Really? Except Stan lee, he's always so cute as a cameo. Like Jeremy Jahns said it – it was awesometacular and there are moments there that you just go: WHOA!!... and the whole crowded theatre goes: whoa!, but also, there are small and very fun moments – or quite sad.
I remember thinking – if I was a kid, some of the scenes there would haunt me in my sleep. My first and worst childhood fear was the Terminator – the relentless skeleton of metal, just coming and coming and coming after Sarah. I saw that movie way too young and it haunted me for years. It was behind every corner, at the end of every dark corridor, behind every slope.. There is a scene here, when Ultron first crashes the party, there's all this oil goo and the wiring hanging off and the limp 'limbs' twitching and flailing… That shit was frigging scary. Even now, adult me, when I can eat while watching zombies eat or watching Babadook and enjoying the editing, it was scary.
On the first Avengers, I made a list of all the awesome lines or moments. There were several here, not as many, but I don't wanna spoil too much. CBG19 said she enjoyed Hawkeye's storyline and it was lovely. Or that one joke that continues through the film - you'll notice it. I will admit that I did find both of the twins quite adorable – the first time I could watch the Olson, well, sibling of the other infamous twins, and not think she's terrible. And the boy was one of the most handsome boys I have ever seen. Hair maketh the man! (*hkhm*WinterSoldier*hkhm*) Yeesh Gods – in a band of ridiculously attractive people, he still made me want to slow him down and listen to his obligatory accent. Last I saw him he was Kick-Ass and there he was painful to watch. They grow up so fast...
Funny thing, I did envy his relationship with the sister a bit. It wasn't Nuala/Nuada weird or anything. I really never understood  that connection. I don't like most of my siblings. I cannot imagine touching them. I certainly never enjoyed being in the room with most of them. My bestie Maja didn't come with me today, because she already had a time scheduled to spend with her little boy – and suddenly it occurred to me how cool it must be to spend time with another human being who is your son. These are emotions and sentiments I will never experience. It's not that I miss them, but I so seldom think about them and today I thought about them twice.Sat in the theater till the very last credits roll and ...

...No second easter egg?? What the fuck, guys?!

Shards, no Shards

... Been trying to upload that movie up for two fucking days. Damn you, YouTube. :/

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Good old times

Watching "Under Pressure: Making of The Abyss"... By the sound of it, that movie was a bitch to make. I remember watching documentary on the making of Blade Runner and that was a Calvary also. I know Ed Harris is an emotional guy and he tends to cry a lot, but he cried A LOT during this production. Also, they almost managed to kill him. I wonder if there are movies these days, where the making of is brutal. The last movie I heard of to be difficult was Lotter, but cast seemed to have a lot of fun there. They don't make them like they used to. Nowadays it's just depressing you have to do it all in front of a big green curtain.

....awwwh, this brings back memories of us, shooting The Shards... I really should try and make a small film out of that footage. That was some cool stuff, there, on that dry lake...

Monday, 27 April 2015

hahaha, I love my dog :D 
It's 2 a.m. and the crazy mutt starts barking all hell, howling and growling, sounding a real alarm. The General gets up and goes to the kitchen where her corner is, to make sure there are no burglars or fires or aliens landing, and she is barking at him, standing with her front two paws in her empty water bowl. She was thirsty and there's no excuse. 


Sunday, 26 April 2015

... Which reminds me ...

... For people, who are always asking me if I have a favorite flower (and I usually just say sunflower). Truth is, I don't really like blooming plants - though I would be the first to agree they are surreally beautiful and magical and they make the world a lot cooler, particularly this planet. I am, however, unusually fond of succulents. Dunno why. I mean, I don't grow or even have any around, but whenever we go shopping for garden plants, these are the ones I am in favor of the most ...Geometrical little bastards.

When God listens to too much Bach :))

Saturday, 25 April 2015


I got this really weird PTSD moment yesterday... G was watching TV and one of the channels was re-running a classic show, one  of the cutest comedies series of when we were young: 'Allo 'Allo... It's really funny shit, about this French barkeeper, his loud wife, his mistresses, his cafe and all the people who come in - during the WWII, when Germans are occupying the region. You have Nazis and Gestapo officers being silly and an Italian idiot flirting his helmet off... Everyone is after this lost piece of art, the fallen Madonna with the big Boobies... Resistance and hiding pilots and whatnot. Really, it's funny. I always thought it's super funny. 

It may be a little while before I think so again. Am almost through with Heydrich's biography. There was nothing funny about Gestapo, ever. People have forgotten a little bit about that, but... I couldn't watch a funny little show, I just started to cry and get really angry kids in school have no ideas what a Holocaust is, was, or what to do to make sure that shit never happens again.

Updates :)

I spent yesterday running around, completely euphoric, because I got this nuts idea and it kept buzzing in my head like a hive. I got up too early and decided to grab a local newspaper, the mutt and run uphill (funny how I don't need any rest stops at all when I am excited about something, eh?), to ask my parents what they think. Though mum initially thought i would embarrass myself and dad was for, they both talked one over the other when I was asking their opinion. It's amazing how these are the only two people in creation I can completely understand when they are talking in stereo. I never though I don't write fast enough. Well, an hour later, as much as I had, I had to find the dog, grab the notes and run downhill again, steal the General's car and take the dog home. Drej was waiting for me already and we drove to Tinka's shop - for the first time. As aforementioned, we photographed fewd and then ate most of it and what we could, we took home. So now I am making pickies of amazing fresh pastry WHILE eating it. My life is so dope. I am still euphoric - even if the yesterday idea is slowly and surely starting to rethink things and run away screaming.

This morning I told off a couple of nice nurses in my grandma's retirement home, because she insisted she's in pain and needs to go to the doctor. With my grandma, who was Moses's classmate at some point, you can never really know if she's just in need of attention or actually two days away from greener pastures. But I know that a while back she had a nasty gastritis and they just wrote it off as old age until finally they noticed it's an actual and very curable condition that could happen to anybody. So now I rather see they run some tests and then ignore her. But the fact is, she started the day very depressed and despondent and then we loaded her onto a wheelchair and we rode around town - General called that there has been a report of a super granny speeding and breaking traffic limits all over downtown ... Then we had to wait at the emergency doctor's office for an hour, where I had nice, regular bitching confrontations with people also waiting there... There was this funny moment (My gran was a very loud, strict woman who got things done, always. I always hoped to inherit some of that talent, but this was the first time it happened), when every time the nurse called in another patient, people would just start rushing in, all over. After I told off, very loudly and with very calm, serious words, very civilized, some woman, there was just silence for a while. The next time the nurse called for the next person, nobody dared move and somebody said: isn't it your turn now, please? All it takes for people to start acting like they haven't just gotten off trees is a little bit of my grandma's spirit. 

The young doctor lady checked the blood-works and the sort and said that it was flawless and actually remarkable and explained that the pains are probably also bad backbone, that no, there is no cancer or infection and that gran is in fact in pristine condition. It was something the nurses have explained to gran repeatedly, but now an emergency doctor said it, so it must be true. Gran was a lot more chatty and lively on the way back. I put sunglasses on her and made motorcar sounds when we 'drove' faster. It was actually fun. Now she'll be happy for a little while longer.

Off to make pickies for Tinka now. I gotsta make an interview with her, because I think what she's doing is awesome. Fucking pastry shop. With healthy pastry! And the General doesn't like it, it's not fatty, sweet and large enough for him, so I don't bother explaining anything, I just grin and keep it all for myself. Sucker :D

Friday, 24 April 2015

Fewd photography

Shot the first few pics of Tinka's fresh pastry production ... Gods I hope there's lots more to come, because that shit's amazing! And it's really hard to go back to grocery store chocolate after tasting actual organic products that she manhandles into tastebuds alchemy :D

Thursday, 23 April 2015

The Klevska portfolio 2015

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

"Abyss" on TV the other day triggered my Ed Harris phase again. I'm re-watching his movies - The Third Miracle, which I once liked, a long time ago; The Truman Show, which I always like and always remember for the philosophy classes I took in college, regarding intimacy of existence, choices and several people who suffer from the sense of being in a TV show.. Then there's Needful things, which, oddly enough, I have never seen and I still am not going to, because the book was so freaky, (And I really don't like Max Von Sydov); I watched Frontera, which I can't say I fully understood the point of.. and Gone Baby Gone. History of Violence was also on my list, but I saw that a few months ago and have no need for another dosage. I come on and off my fascination with Mortensen.

Spent the morning helping dad in the vineyard - which is in fact a whole-day event, as then we are so tired afterwards there's not much put on that timetable. Gotsta work on the pamphlet tomorrow, and Wednesday is a jog day. I can't seem to get my feet (specifically ankles) to support me in the long run - literally. I just hurts like a bitch. Frustrating, considering the rest of my body is really anxious to get back on track and my lungs are great.

Still reading HHhH. What is the difference between a war and a revolution? The French, when they lost it, slaughtered pretty much everyone they saw fit, even though at the beginning their list was shorter - this is exactly how the removal of certain individuals was for the WWII, which with a little pencil pushing from Heydrich graduated to holocaust. To pull back from the nightmare, I watch Jane the Virgin. It's a delicate balancing act.

Sunday, 19 April 2015

Few more pickies from earlier.. Ana and Gea

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Fucking up sentimental notions

Leave it to me to completely frek up something important, simply because the concept of time is totally unrelated to my level of attention. This is also a good thing, or so I'm told..

The General and I spent the day working on a political thesis, discussing war crime tribunals and Balcan strategic value, and so on ... Then we spent some time upsetting the bed and napping afterwards and then I returned to my station to read some research. Nothing out of the ordinary. It is how I'd describe any day. Super sunny outside. My phone chimes and the phone company congratulates me for my birthday. I chuckle, joke's on them, my birthday is at the end of august. Dumb kiss-asses...
       The date IS vaguely familiar, though. Hm... Mid April, mid April... What happens in mid April that ought to be of importance to my phone? ... And also, why would the phone company think it's my birthday? It's not even really my phone, I usually get the General's phone when he buys a new one, b


Now I really know how people who auto-goal their own team feel like. 
Minus side to forgetting your husband's birthday: he may care about shit like that. I don't know. He doesn't seem to. But he might.
Plus sides: I am so attentive, horny and crazy about him all the time, there is nothing I could do today to make it special. I kiss him all the time. I buy him cake all the time. I bother him about healthy food all the time. I love him all the time. Sex is always insane. We are not into gifts, because when one wants or needs something, when we get to afford it, we buy it. We could go for a fancy meal, but it wouldn't be special, because we like particular food that isn't very costly and we eat it all the time. Really. There is nothing about our relationship that could be improved upon. Probably, if I had a shitload of spending money, I would buy him something he doesn't need but could use, like... I dunno. A better car. Or something. 

Still. Bloody fucking hellhound.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

I think the spring is finally starting, for me. And if the calendar was lying, I'm sleepy all the time, so that's direct proof right there :D I got some new clothes, thin, fieldy, trekking clothes, T-shirts and light windbreakers, I put on sneakers and (I may need a new bag at some point, just saying) it is only a matter of time before I dye my hair back to red. Winter with all it's bleak, monochromatic magic is over, bitches, and the things that intended to bloom have exploded in fireworks one cannot describe with ink, you have to see them to believe them. Indeed, after a long season of dead trees and gray skies, it is difficult to believe how beautiful plants can be. More beautiful than mating season animals, more beautiful than people, more beautiful than poems, even. In the long-term, I favor the non-blooming plants, low and fleshy, but not today. 

Although for some reason photography isn't the frontrunner of my psyche right now, having been passionately overtaken by reading, my book continues to evolve and grow. I stopped being worried I am not writing fast enough or enough at all, because when I am not writing, I am slowly and surely developing the platform of the narrative - a tricky affair in this particular case. 
I was thinking, maybe, to make matters worse on the plot-line (as it is, in tatters, (purposefully!)) I will open the book with another flash-forward-back... As a lure, perhaps, a snare. And because I can. Also, testing the date and location titleheads, to try and make this easier on people who are not so cozy in time traveling... I know this makes no sense. It will ;)

Cyrenaica, Libya, 24. April, 1941

Paper and Cole's lifedate, 24. April, 2015

General Sepp's lifedate 24. April, 4018

General Sepp's portal

8:30 am

Pass the plains of northern Cyrenaica, between a panzer offensive and an encampment of the African campaign, a small, energetic man stands on his Škoda Superb Kfz, looking though a pair of worn-out binoculars. On his left is his lieutenant, barking orders to their radio operator, orchestrating the tanks. On his right, in the sand, stands a woman wearing capris and good trekking shoes, reading from a large history book with maps and pictures. She is on the phone with a man, sitting on the wall of Tobruk. Their conversation goes mostly like this:

Cole: I said to the left! What is the matter with you? Can't you feel the gales from the sea?

Paper: Left. Wind is coming right over the walls. And give the flank a wider berth, because the sand right here (she points at a map) is like butter.

Rommel: 1' left. Fire! And avoid the southern quadrant's path.

Cole: Au. Better. (Looks through his binoculars) How many tanks do you have, anyway?
Paper: 400.
Cole: Funny.
Rommel, to his lieutenant, in German: Tell the drivers to make a lot of dust, so as too seem a great crowd.

The woman's husband is in one of the tanks. This is his time portal and he is in deep awe and respect of the German field Marshall. Usually they have tea and talk. The panzer exercise was his wife’s idea. General Seti Sepp SUN is intuitively disinclined to agree to any of her ideas, but he has never operated a panzer Mr III and he also knows that no matter what they do, how much they meddle, they can never change anything in the long run. Their morning exercise is like fisting a river. And anyway, his tank loses the link in the crossfire. General Sepp has been a soldier since he was old enough to pose as cannon fodder. He is doing this because he knows survival is 70% dumb luck.

Cole is doing this because time-hopping WWII makes him feel closer to his brothers.

Paper is doing this because she approves of mass destruction. She's seen enough of history to know that sometimes things get too stale. Also, she really likes Rommel and wants to see him naked at some point.

Rommel knows this is probably a dream. He is an optimist and believes he can still learn something. An exceptional tactician, that man. Strategist … not so much.

Cole: Better! Again! Bring it down a n... *static*

Paper: Hello? ... Whoopsy.

General Sepp, having just returned via faster transport, takes off his completely soaked shirt and comes over. He is a very tall man with very long hair, which is a striking evidence to his temporal dislocation. Unlike the other tank operators, he wore no uniform.
General Sepp: Small, fat, heavy, clumsy, fickle and yet the job gets done. (He kisses his wife on the forehead.) The tanks aren't bad either.
Paper: Hilarious.You killed Cole.
Rommel: Is he going to be alright?
Paper: Cole? He'll be fine. He wouldn't stand on the other side of the field with a target in his hands if he didn't have a knack for cawking it mid playtime.
Rommel: Alright. Then let's wrap it. Call them in. Good job, everyone.

 o . o . o

I incidentally looked at a horoscope while flipping through newspapers yesterday, when the General took me out for coffee. The week previous, in the study group, someone told me to shut the fuck up and that really hurt my feelings. I pretend to be retarded, but I forget that in such a group most people will actually be really dumb. The horoscope then said to be careful - not all people will understand what i am trying to achieve with my behavior. And then, today, I had a dream in which I offered to participate in some cultural research (I like solving tests and doing homework), but in the end the woman (for all intents and purposes in the real world my social equal or not even that), didn't include my efforts, saying I used smileys from time to time and she thought i didn't understand the task and thus - more or less - was to dumb to participate. These were here three minutes of triumph over someone like me. And because I am the kind of a person to encourage abuse and then feel it, the rain came down in the dreams, I felt really bad and really small. The General was on my side, but he had no ammo.

This would be the brain telling me to stop pretending to be a retard, because nobody cares about savants anymore? To get up and demand twice what I expect to be paid, because that is how much I am worth? Heh, yes, but then nobody will hire me at all, because nobody likes to feel like the less clever person in the room. A shitty predicament, really. Here, I'll tell you a number and then the next week I'll tell you what that number really turned out to be. 


...I really should just establish a group and start getting the government funding like everybody else.