Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Round six: Baltic cruise, pt. 1

Sitno >>202<<

Yay! Paddie, meet Mark. Mark, meet Paddie. I've no idea why it never occured to me to get a camera-iPad adaptor... Maybe because I never needed one or had the money for it? Sounds about right. But now, I can just link the two and voila. Pickies! 
Holy fuck. I've taken like 1700 photos since I got here. Mind, the first 500 are just of Amsterdam architecture, because it was the first town we went to and I was still blown away by novelty.. Also, I take a lot of photos of food, for some reason. 

So, the grand todal of food eaten... And not eaten on this glorious off-day...
Rice pudding times four (don't worry, they come in thimbles)
Asian flan
Asian something white with corn in it
Two pieces of wholewheat toast with some butter, nutella and jam
A small croissont
A mini pie pockett
One spoonfull of a strawberry cream something
A brownie
A coconut macron or however those are called
Peach american pie
Yoghurt raspberry roll slice
Bit of french fries
One bite of a hot dog (didn't like it)
Three chocolated from the bar
A coconut Lindt (made me sick)
Few spoons of pasta with pumpkin
and a sea sickness pill
Haven't gone to Palms once. And didn't really have the apetite. We're crossing the Bay Of Biscay in high winds. Ask anyone who's tried that and see them wince.

Sitno >>201<<

Took another pill, to tend to the bazaar, and around ten the sickness kicked in nonetheless. Offed to the doctor, who gave me more medicine, and I passed out until four. Then we had the 2nd formal and although I thought I was gonna suffer, it was nice. It was a nice day, regardless. I still can't really focus on editing the pickies for the blog, mayhap because I am not sure iPad will alow me to load them such as they are, but I'm gonna go up to the grand buffet to shoot some pretty food and on my way down I ran into a Thai goddess and her ensemble. The dance band is leaving us tomorrow. As I understand, they are not being paid at all, they're just being offered lodging and food - and a free cruise year. I've not the chance to speak to any of them, they are unlikely to socialize with anybody beneath them. They're mostly just very long legs and very big hair. Occasional pair of fake boobs on an otherwise oddly thin girl. Conversation, not so much.

Sitno >>200<<

My, my, we are almost out of 200+ pocket change, are we? Days certainly go like soap bubbles.

G tells me that my dad is totally psyching himself out - that every time he, the General, phones up to report on my comeuppence, dad picks up the phone with a worried voice, than gradually relaxes through the report provided. I have gotsta tell my dad about the Moominpappa, who made a pact with his family, so that they will never worry about him when he travels, which will enable him to have total liberty. Liberty is important. You cannot think about making people worried all the time. That's why I bullshit the General so much, and only take his calls when I am happy. I cannot abide the thought of more people being worried about my wellbeing. I cannot worry about people at home too much either. Worry begone! I am fine. I get pissed off, I get lonely, I get horny, I get tearful, I get depressed, I get excited, I get into a fight, I get lost, I get challenged, I get sick, I get humble, but I weather through it. It's been forty-one days. It feels longer. It's why I keep messing up the Sitno dates. Sitno dates are actual. It's the Real World that's lagging. *

*Also as it turns out I had my phone set a day late. Not unusual.

Sitno >>199<<

Ah, a new... day. Yesterday I wrote down nothing - d'ye hear me?! Nothing! (Phonesex joke.)  - though the day was easy and nothing much occured of any variety of thrill or horror... Come to think of it, I don't even remember much of it... Good Gods, brain, do you not love me no more? 
Oh, right: I went out to Honfleaur, where I indulged in a spot of melancholy (I've reserved the last days of cruises for such), sitting on the pretty pier, eating a sweet French dry pastry, sharing it with sparrows. Are sparrows the exact same everywhere in the world? It is still risky for me to wander too far from the sea - I needsta be in the earshot or sight or at least a seagul of water, otherwise I forget where I am and the road distracts me... Because it leads to another road... Where there is grass ... Maybe a forest ... Where there can be a path ... Leading to a village ... Where the road connect to another village ... And there is land ... And a crossroad... And I choose eastward ... 
I would be in a shitload of trouble, if I strayed too far from the sea, faster than you can say 'hitchhike'.

Though after seven hours of gallery (these have been an odd pax lot. The least pleasant yet.), I finally hit the gym, watched OnePiece, rode my bike for forty minutes and then ran or walked very quickly for another forty, holding the little green weight lifts. After an hour you are so hot and blood is going so well, you just don't wanna stop. But enough is enough. I am not doing two hours of gym in the middle of the night. What am I, Rambo?

We start loading merchandise and people embarcationy-style at around 11:30. Or at least that's when we set up the screen. Nobody will actually board until 2.p.m. It would not suprice me if the pax start coming at three. But, uu, Skandinavia cruise! Am thinking me will enjoy this one. :p

Another thing that would not suprise me would be a new rule, that we can never walk faster than a passenger... Really, I am holding my breath until there is a complaint regarding insulting the less able by walking quickly around them, and we will have a new order implemented, that we may never do that. Can you imagine? Oh, why, yes; yes, I can.


Dinner break. After 'embarcation'.
I learned a new trick! I call it the 'Retarded Magician's Assistant'... Namely, when people ask 'What is this for?' or, my favorite, in a really godawful English accent:'Is this compulsory?'... instead of trying to explain or convince them, go full retard. Seriously, just go full retard. Just one step away from drooling and picking your nose retarded. And just keep smiling until your jaw gets stuck, yelling: Hallou! ... When they ask:'Is this compulsory?' just give 'em the full onslaught of: Yes, yes, picture good! Nice photo! Photo good!
... We got SO MANY. My roomie was shooting, I was directing them, and we got SO many pics... Once or twice someone said:'Poor girl, you've no idea what I am talking about, do you?....' But mostly they just gave in and took the damn snapshot. I wouldn't even try to pull anything like this if I didn't know that in three hours they're gonna be circling the gallery, going:'Oh, are the pictures up already? Oh, that doesn't look half bad, no, does it.'
You can get pretty far among British tourists, pretending you're a witless Eastern European girl with a big smile. 

How about a bad poem #9?

This dress of a thousand sighs
Will not fit me again tomorrow
I've eaten like a thousand pies
To swallow down my sorrow.
I am chased around this ship
By a gherbil with a broom up his *
I'll kick further that miserable stick
And we'll see how then days pass.
The humans on this iron, like ghosts
Slide aroud, or whoosh, through the motions
I practice deep fondness for some
And others get bile, not emotions.
Though in the hazy horizon at times
A giant strides, cursed by his wonder
Sometimes his gleaming blind eye
Inquires if I choose to surrender.
Titan, as much as my feet are grass-bound
My adventurous soul ain't for sale
But some day, in storm, ask again,
And I'll hitch a ride home on a whale.

Sitno >>198<<

"I do like you. I've liked you since the moment I met you. I didn't even know what your rank means; I had to google it."

Have posted the mail-me-if-ye-wanna-pickies sign on the message board in the hallway. Let's see how much trouble THAT puts me in, before AND after I send the pics. No good did, right?

There is something about ship life that has you in constant mode of paranoia of doing something wrong. Always on the verge of being attacked, always on the verge of being fired. Which is a problem, because I am starting to really like it here and dun't wanna be fired anymore. SLSB handed me a note today over breakfast and my heart stopped it was going to be something ugly. It wasn't, it was just a passenger leaving me a list of recommendations for beautiful photography locations around Whales. I am desperate to connect, perhaps, but my nature continues to come through, same as it did in the army, same as it did on Aurora, actually. I want to commit to this clownshow, I truly do, but I cannot help but to suspect that as soon as I show my joy for here, they will throw me overboard. Course, I could just continue telling everyone I am miserable. That ought to ensure me a spot on deck until either mine or the ship's retirement. :P

Do ships ever stop? Do they ever turn off EVERYTHING on a ship? Every engine, every pump, every light, every door? I don't mean like on a dead ship, those are far too frightful. I mean like sleeping ships. Can you imagine what that would be like, walking around a sleeping ship? Provided there is enough oxygen aboard. Do you have any idea how many doors a single ship has? And how very much I dislike doors? Hehe, I will likely have a problem with doors in the real world once I return, should I return, since the doors on ships are very heavy and you reall have to push them hard, even just to go to the restroom :D

Bought another David Mitchell book, the Bone Clocks. Reading Time Traveler's Wife ATM. Since all of a sudden we are working in shifts now, I have time to edit the pics and read AND write. Mad world. Couple sea days in the Baltic. The shops are selling Russian dolls. Sailing towards brand new shores again. Several fjords first, then Aalborg, Denmark... Aal, eh? Well, that sounds ominously intriquing... :)

Studios set up, waiting now for the show to start. Am in the dining cafe, having just murdered a brownie and a spoonfull of cream, and coffee. My ankle still hurts; sprained or strained something the other day in the gym. Fuck, I'm rusty. If I roll my shoulders, it sounds like a stack of wooden logs falling.
I think I know why they hire Philipinos to do the waiting jobs, and why the English like them so much. I watch them now, as they bring me coffee, call me 'ma'am' and smile with their surreally pretty faces. Because there is a natural servitude in their performance, an obediant little attitude that turns the rich old English people on. It's an act, clearly, but it's a good act. That is why the Enlish like to have their photos taken with them, why they faint from joy when the waiters remember their name, why they feel good when a 70 pound girl in a pristine pearl outfit and eyes and hair the colour of black gems serves them a coffee AND a smile. They are seen as wild beasts, tamed for serfdom. It makes the Brits feel good old colonnial again.
No wonder I suck at guest service. One look into my eyes, regardless of the smile, and you can see the animal right there. Friendliness comes as unnatural to me as does the tamed bit. Is perhaps why smiling hides the eyes. Smiles bullshit. Eyes refuse to.

Weird shoot. For some reason, when you ask people to pose during dinner, they start to laugh and continue to laugh, their faces twisted, while you shoot... Though the rollcount is okay, these passengers are just odd. Big difference between Dover and Southampton tropes, big. 

Didn't appretiate that DOo continues to suggest fidelity is a myth, regardless of how nice it is to hear his voice over the ship 's walkies when he's parking, or seeing his face unexpectedly in a crowd, so decided to kind of say goodbye to him. Dude, a woman can think of a man fondly without being a whore, stop disrespecting us like that. People are leaving all the time anyway, and he should be gone in a few weeks, so will just ghost him until then. He will notice the lack of me, I think. It may teach him a lesson, I hope. Disrespect is loathsome. I was gentle, though. Took his hand and planted a lipsticky kiss inside the warm palm, closing it and saying: goodbye.

Sitno >>196<<

Yesterday was actually a really nice seaday. Don't wanna jinx it. 
The dense fog ("Odin! Wake up!") lifted just enough to shine on some incredibly beautiful Swedish fjords. A shrimp fishing boat lcked with us and they opened the ship gates and bought fresh shrimp. :D I ate two tacos! Tacos are awesome!
Today we're in Aalborg. Finally, land! Don't care if it's raining. Was fog 23 hrs yestereve, though it did clear for a bit when we were going through the fjords and that shit's mesmerizing. Though I was in the gallery A LOT, we sold a lot and people were in a good mood. I've never seen such an eager lot. This could turn out to be the best financial yet, though considering it's half a month, I doubt it will ever be as good as two one-weekers. 
My roomie did something really cute the other day. We were doing embarcation and I was inviting, she was filming and SLSB was shooting, but she said 'let Nina do it' and then filmed a few seconds of me to add to her video. Awwwww! She chose me over SLSB! Amazing! I'm on cruise video now! :D  
I had a Polish lady who truly hated the idea of being photographed, so I just took the one and she warned me that if it's bad, she will strangle me and cut her wrists, but if it's good, she'll let me take another one. Well, she didn't strangle me. SLSB offered her studio time or Seascape and I assured her that he is very good, a lot better than me and will take good care of her. Since we are having two more formals, there should be plenty of time for me to get her to relax until we come up with a really nice product up in the end. 
Am spedning less time trying to talk to them. I spoke to a sixteen year old Grandson of somebody, home schooled, dark minded, trying to be nothing and everything. Can easily see him torture small animals and inherit mansions. But you can do a lot with one like that if you catch one young. If find time, I'll give him a ohotography lesson, so he'll have something to direct his wayward thoughts towards.
The dumbest people are not necessarily the worst. A lady just couldn't comprehend that if the waves are going one way, it means the ship is going the other way, but that was 20 minutes of fun between five strangers, trying to explain the differences between aft, front, port and starboard. The other not so fun stuff is people saying: oh, but this is not a good photo, you cut me in half... Er, sir, you CAN see the photos are places one a little over the other so we can fit more and the whole of the photo is properly framed, no? For fuck's sakes. Or: I'm looking for the ones with the captain, I can't find mine here. I must have broken the camera.
That's because these are the Restaurant, madam. The captain you were standing up and there was usually a captain next to you. 
She took quite a lot of photos of last last night, but I can only see one.. That's because they're in a stack, sir, there are many more behind, see? 
It's okay the first two dozens of times. It gets depressing as fuck after eleven hours. 

I have just enough time to either get a free hotdog and shoot some impressive architecture, or Skype G, try some hot skypesex and edit my blog, listening to Lana Del Ray sing Kinda Outta Luck...

Skype it is. :p