Two days ago, when I needed to have a good cry watching a movie, Maja the Bestie took me to watch FF7, or how we like to call it, The Hot and the Humpy, part 10. It's a kind of thing you go to watch if you really like close-up shots of pretty girl's butts in mini bikinis, and the sound of really expensive cars and footage of head on collisions with but collateral damage. Not so much if you like physics or real life logic. I actually was very fond of the first movie for the drama and the twist, though I appreciate the franchise for what it is by now - a ceremony of really hot guys in really hot cars, in constant motion, sometimes to an explosive amount. And you have to give credit to a movie with so many characters to still make most of them really interesting.
In this version, a humpy bad guy, big bad brother of the humpy evil gay guy from the previous installment, blows shit up everywhere by the buildings and is set on murdering Dom's crew. I have no idea why people don't just shoot him, but okay, if I start going into plot holes, I will never make it to my class. Basically, some high tech shady org wants Dom to find some pretty girl who has some super high tech something and they blow shit up along the way.
Just sit back, munch on the bucket of popcorn and
Ignore: the fact all of these people have Wolverine bodies with iron skeletons and really, really hard teeth. seriously, nobody loses a tooth and these people get thrown out of very tall building or hit in the face with 30 pound wrenches by some really large men.
Ignore the things cars can do.
Ignore the jo-jo Letty drama.
Ignore the really weird Kurt Russel appearance.
ENJOY:
Really pretty naked ladies EVERYWHERE.
Really hot guys. usually sweaty and scowling or talking in low, threatening voices. Also some Paul Walker.
Really impressive cars. Appearance AND sound-wise.
Very cool guns. There is even a drone-anti-aircraft machine gun, which technically should require a power-source to work, but then the Rock picks it up and it's okay. He shoots like a zillion bullets from not a very long bullet-ribbon, which is also okay. He looks almost Arnie-impressive.
Abu Dhabi, what's left of it.
Teeny Tiny Lucas Black appearance.
The sad, sad irony of Paul Walker's death halfway though the making of this movie. I swear, when they're at the beach, in the end, and then the 'in memoriam' footage of Walker from the past movies, I wept like a tiny soap bubble. When that white car separates from Dom's in the very last scene, tears in a popcorn bucket, I swear. I really needed that. To cry about some poor stranger over a really no-brainer movie. If I went to see a heavy drama, the would probably have to carry me out of the theater straight into a mental hospital or a candy store. Whichever was closest.
