Well. Know that incredibly tragic story I mentioned yesterday? I implemented it into one of Goose chapters and the damn thing completely turned around the entire ending of the fable. I am still struck at the twist that just jumped out on me. What the fuck am I supposed to do with my crazy fable now?!

From time to time I learn of a story, usually ridiculously tragic, that makes me awfully sad and I will never forget it… But then I bring it up again a few years later and nobody has any idea of what I am talking about. A few years back the General’s family and I were stacking wood in one of their forests and somebody told me of a distant relative or some acquaintance, a younger man, who lived not too far in the forest, on one of the hills. He was a sad, lonely person, always a bit unlucky. He finally bought himself a good, expensive chainsaw to try and make more earnings by forest jobs and of course right soon someone stole the fucking chainsaw. He hanged himself.

Because there is no way I can make this story better, can’t even hope that he haunts the moron who stole his saw, wishing him peace, perhaps even happiness in some next life, I think of him from time to time and cry. The interesting bit is, if I bring this up to the General’s family, nobody has any idea what I am talking about. It’s possible someone else told me the story, one of the helping neighbours who were there that day to help us load the logs. I know I didn’t make it up, because I don’t allow my mind to get sad like that.

Or the forest told it to me, wanting me to know. I pick up shit like that - from time to time.

Sad can be weird.

Feud (pilot)

Yikes. The scene in which Bette Davis comes on set the first time dressed as Baby Jane.. goosebumps :D I didn't know actors back then got to design their own characters. Cool.

... I continue my hence-on active shun of violent and cheaply dramatic movies and shows and am so far indulging in what drama used to be like - with all the pomp and glory of the Hollywood golden age..s. What an industry that must have been. Heartless, devouring and magnificent. 

Do we even still have movie stars these days, or is the rule "big chest small brain" still on?

General's (adorable) line of the week:

Crawling over a pile of duvets, blankets and quilts on the bed: "Oh, look, I found a foot!" (Picks it up, turns it around, looks at it.) "It's too small, so it won't fit me, but it's a nice foot regardless."

Logan

Saw Logan. Good movie. Hated it.

Conjuring more macro abstracts... (of the stuff around the house)

... just to keep the dust off lenses :)

PS Editing of the first chapter, 482 pages, done. Two to go.

Feud

Am kinda glad they are making a TV show about the making of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, because that one is at the top of the list of movies I know are good and I will never watch. I suppose you could call that my 'list of good art portraying mental decay'. It's the genre of horror I have no enzyme to stomach. Not even for the morbid fascination of it. So, a watered down, entertaining version with less difficult actresses to watch should be a sufficient alternative.

"My so called gay wedding"

Big news around is this country’s first gay marriage, such as it was. It wasn’t a real wedding by any means, the two redneck dykes seemed to exhibit zero interest in the ritual or the institution, but at least they were two marginally young chicks and not two old men, which would have been a PR nightmare, right? Well, the opinions on this subject are very split. I mean mine. I don’t care about anybody else.

First off, the gays are now seemingly allowed to marry, BUT only to shut them up – they still lack a certain amount of given rights you are supposed to have when you are married – such as adoption or in vitro fertilisation by third-party donor. Soooo… it is a TINY step forward and not much else? I agree double standards blow and should not exist. It either is marriage or it’s not. Make up your fucking mind, constitution.

On the other hand, by looking at the two women who ‘got married’ in casual clothes and sneaker shoes, do not strike me as people even I would allow to adopt a child and I will always believe single mothers ruined an entire generation of millennials by raising morons who don’t know how to tie their expensive shoes, yet alone make a good decision that involves anyone but themselves.

I’ve been surrounded by gay people my whole life – I’ve BEEN half gay for the better part of my adult life – and I can safely say I fucking hate most of the people I’ve met who actively represent the LGBT community anywhere. They are the worst. The worst of ‘give me, give me, I want, I deserve, I demand!’ culture that sickens me. ‘I’m a victim, I’m suffering, I am not treated equally!...’

You are none of these things unless there is someone listening, darling. I know plenty gay couples who live incredibly lovingly, normally and deserve the same amount of respect as any other straight couple – and NOBODY is bothering them, ever. You will not see those at televised rallies, because they don’t blame “society” for their problems. If they argue, fuck up, cheat, fight, mess up at work, pull some ego crap that gets them defeated, it is because they are human, not gay. If they try to have a child it is because something in their life felt appropriate to bring another human being into this world, not because it would cement their political statement and they need a poster baby for their mental cause, so others would talk about them.

In short – I think anyone who is in love (for more than two months and shares more than daddy issues) and can see them growing old together, should marry. Marriage is fucking awesome. To belong to someone who has faith in you and can’t wait to see you at the end of the day is the only feeling worth fighting for.

But don’t reproduce if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing and it is the only thing about you that will ever make sense. Not if you’re a guy, girl, faggot, dyke, trans, neither, whatever. If you are a mess, if you will continue to be a mess until they put you in the ground, for the love of condoms, do not reproduce. There are enough messed up people on this planet. I never reproduced because I prefer to be alone and do not wish to share my husband with a kid and the selfish little imbecile parasites annoy me. There are couples who are AMAZING parents and I deeply respect them for it, but I am not one, so I only tried to reproduce once – to make my life meaningful, no less – and I would now be a single mother raising a socially-inept freak.

Someone up there fortunately saw it for the lunacy of youth that it was and prevented it.

So … It is interesting we got as far, and I do wish the discrimination would end quickly. But y’all screaming ‘respect me’ – if you want the institution, learn to respect the fucking institution. Otherwise you’re only doing this to get attention, in which case you’ll be divorced in five years, in which case - fuck you. Get your priorities straight.