February

Okay, so it's been two months since my last post and there have been ups and down and tiny stuff, not really worth mentioning, good and bad. I had two nasty bouts of depression with slightly scary suicidal moments, but also some excellent days, creative, productive, impressed, and inspired. 

I suppose my biggest crushes these days have been the Cats on Apple Trees stamps, which I think I've more or less purchased all (except the word ones and aquatic animals, bar a large octopus which was so cute); then an unexpected discovery of SOLO Board games, which... holy cow. I did NOT know those were an option. I absolutely love the idea and cannot wait to have enough money to get a few 😁 Luckily they are hella expensive and so ... Slowly, snail, slowly. Not to mention I had to purchase a new printer and a new screen, which both stopped working at the same time, and I got myself some JBL headphones, which I absolutely adore. They are really really pleasant. I thought I will miss my tiny ancient iPod too much and yet I haven't touched it since. Comfy and effective.

My biggest crush these past few weeks has been the vicious karate instructor, though, the hot Bosnian Serb - whom I've known the longest of the lot and yet 15 years ago I don't think I even dared look at him, let alone speak with him. And there had never been any doubt that he is effective, but to actually see him come out of retirement for a brief moment, to promote his club, and execute everyone else as if it's a walk in the park (it was a national tournament) ... I have never wanted to rip someone's keikogi off with my teeth as much as I want to see that man naked. I've edited a ton of his pictures and he's just ... You know me. I value the photogenic aspects of any event, let alone a battle. Who wants a boring battle?  

        It's not just that he's savage and beautiful, no - the main erection I got from all of it was because for the first time I've used Perko, my new camera (which I bought a year ago), setting it so that it followed a specific person and for the first time since I have it, I succeeded in gripping the focus and tracking the speedy movement of unpredictable subjects. That whole event combined - Go's victory, his friendly attitude towards me, and success in making good (sharp) sports photos... well. Consider the sense of self for the winter season elevated ...

Our main instructor was also the main referee and I don't think I've ever seen the man as proud or cheerful as he was that day. Would have given my left elbow to see him fight one day, though.

See how nice it is when people actually pose for me? Look at that face. He looks so sad and so... calm at the same time. I could take a hundred more portraits of him... if he stood still long enough.

Fantastic form on the man. He wasted no movement, no boasting or posturing... Just... like a mungo. 

The only other member of that club, Go's old master, was a kata master. Terrific performance, too.

His opponents looked absolutely miserable, continuously backing into the line, knowing it will all be over soon. Plus I noticed he tugs on his pants before he takes someone's head off with his foot. 

 

Gotta give it to my brain, it's not as dumb as it looks. I had a dream about my grandma calling me, to complain about how we haven't visited these past two years since she's not been awake (she's 102) - it's her birthday and she used to do it all the time, throwing tantrums when we didn't visit enough (and when we did, she just threatened to kill herself because we don't love her and she's a burden and we're ungrateful people...) So, you know, fun family stuff.. 

But the brain was, like: hm, but you've been asleep for two years and extremely senile before that, certainly too senile to form coherent sentences... (She would talk in oddly disjointed concepts that I could easily interpret, as I speak 'after stroke', having some experience with dad's seizures.) 'This can't be right. Is this a dream? '

I of course woke up instantly at that time, as dreams run away if they are busted. Good job, brain.

What a slow day...

 ... The last day of the sale. The upper target reached, almost all investments covered. (I still need to re-order a ton of envelopes - bland ones for normal traffic and pretty ones for traffic that's dubbing as human correspondence, so that French taxation doesn't come at me with a firing squad for the two sales I make to France yearly. (French wrapping tax is 80 bucks. German is 8.) And since new pans haven't yet arrived, I need to purchase the syringes to store new paint in until they do. They upped the price of the common 20 ml syringes by 200% overnight. I'm contemplating going back to washing them after use them. I swear, if I ever hire workers, one will be tasked just with washing used pans and suchlike. I'll be one of THOSE bosses :))))

     It's almost 11 in the morning and I haven't even woken up yet. My brain has slowed almost to a halt. (Though I am three days away from my period and I really need to get myself one of those grain-filled tummy pillows you can warm up in the microwave.) Going to bed early, sleeping till almost 8, shunning doggy walks, shunning reading, even jigsaw puzzles. I play a little Warcraft, watch a little bit of Netflix. It's drizzly and gray outdoors, I am sleepy, lazy and calm. Two or three more days. I feel like my whole existence is concaving to a little pile of worn clothes on the floor. Not in a bad way. In a comfy, sleepy, restful way. At this moment, all is good and I get to be completely and utterly bored, like a lazy kitten. 

     I am certain something shitty will happen soon enough. But for now, today, until 11am, I am as brainless and emotionless as a speck of dust tumbling in warm air above the radiator, my tummy full of cashews and the dog snoring gently in the corner.. 

Paint cakes :)))

 

Rings of Power Elves: what we were hoping for ... what we got..

 How the ef did they manage not to include a single fuckable elf in a 1 billion dollar show about elves?

Dear diary ...

It's almost the end of the year. They just turned on the winter lights in the town center, so the bustling makes it all feel extremely festive. So I feel like it's the end of the year.

Been a crazy year. So much has happened. A new niece! A new lens! A new camera I can almost use... I purchased SO many Dedoles socks and undies and even quite a few Merino wool knickers, which cost a buttload, but are the comfiest I have ever worn. My bum loves the wool, loved the sense of airiness and warmth. And the Dedoles socks, well. They are the cutest to exist. 

There have also been inks that words cannot describe, nibs and glass pens, the whole epoxy laboratory, soooo many books, the majesty new gun I bought for G with all its bells and whistles, and so many wonderful tidbits, half of them on AliExpress, and not at all that few new materials from the German stores. 

So far, everything has been lovely, although of course new laws, new taxes, new political stupidities will surely darken some of the skies in the future. I need to try and live up to the resolution of the last year and expand my business to small stores and shops worldwide... A new format, a new style, just for the slightly more 'mass' production. The goals for 2023 are: a tiny new car just for myself and the doggies (Fiat 500 possibly or any other three-door smallest kind), more dogs!, a telescope and a pilot license for a Cessna. Oh, and of course, at the top of the list, taking G to Iceland for a few weeks, driving him there. 

Half realistic goals. Half achievable goals. If the stars will have it, fickle little bitches, shining down on me like Gatsby's green light :)))))

Dear diary...

I know I've been neglecting you all too fiercely. 

Much has happened since my last confession.

I have all but gotten the new camera to work, even Photoshop has been making an effort to keep up and bridge the mirrorless formats. I am only having a wee bit of insubordination issues with the new lens, but we're getting there.

New WoW expansion will soon be upon us. I am mildly thrilled, whereas G has given up on it. 120 bucks for a pretty box for a game he doesn't plan to play. I am getting him a cool hunters' rifle instead, IRL

I've taken up karate and have gone 14 times already, skipping out only yesterday because I am not feeling a 100%. Not Covid, just this weird unpleasant, not all there feeling. I don't want to be caught in the rain after getting all heated and sweaty indoors. 

October's crush on Jack Skellington and Billie Eilish's rendering of Sally's song (and reading the Pumpkin Queen) has slowly drifted into November's crush on Adar - the only fuckable elf in the billion-dollar Tolkien show put out recently, which is the most beautiful bore since the Fall (2006). It isn't easy to watch other works by Joseph Mawle, as he tends to go for the freakishly depressing and weird in his opus. Some freakish fanfiction on him, too.

October was a record sale month, which I've not quite caught up with yet in November, being the 15th... You really never can tell. The Freaky Halloween and Spooky House paints have been wildly well received, same as Dark Mermaids and dark Dryades. I am currently working on some remakes and a whole range of blue shimmers called Frost. 

Not much else in other news. I saw a photo of my niece, which is the prettiest human I have ever seen, and we have a new president, same old same old. I've gone to a retarded metal-detecting-conservations seminar, but not yet to any of the communal hunts. Lyra is getting old and I am better off working. I feel indoor-y. But i am looking forward to getting another doggy, so as to force me to take my lazy old ass out more. 

Which I might do right now, because I discovered there is a bakery that makes Dobosh cake in town. Hello! Motivation, see??