Holy heck,

It's not even 8pm and I feel like it’s two past midnight. Been a looong day. Been a long day yesterday and tomorrow probably will be, also. And these aren't unpleasant days, they're just.. Very stretchy. Almost all of what’s happening is very okay, with small, putrid spots of shitty individuality or happenstance, that drains me like foot long fat leeches hanging from my balls.

                I think tonight I’ve missed my camera up to physical pain. Yesterday, after cooking and baking all day, up until I’ve had it with the company, I’ve missed it a little. We made some cute stuff. It would have been neatly pictureworthy. Laters, my sweet mate Maja took me to a concert and I missed it even more. The concert wasn’t very good. The hall was all wrong, as it was a conference, not a concert hall, and the music was supposed to be movie soundtracks piano by some famous virtuoso or another. What he turned out to be was a self-orgasmic, self-worshipping, tasteless force of proof, that piano can be played incredibly fast and incredibly loud. So pretty much all I heard was some very violent noise and a piano being beaten really quickly. A lot of people were walking around the ‘stage’, taking flash photos. That I normally consider being tactless, but in this case, I think the guy thrived on it. If I had my camera with me, I wouldn’t have heard the music. Afterwards, Maja took me for virgin pina coladas and the evening ended perfectly. I’ve been having good dreams lately.

                Very early today, G and I drove up to help mum with the final preparations for St. Martin’s feast. G instantly drove on to get some young vine, whereas mum and I baked on (and decorated stuff). People arrived, it was chatty and friendly and soooo much food! Again, a wonderful, albeit very rainy day, with occasional bullshit stains and some tummy ache from too much great food. I started suffering ridiculous headache at around 1pm, only to realize last night’s pina coladas were the last drinks I’ve had. I must be the only person who giver herself hangovers on parties via draught.

                Just now, I’ve returned from a really lovely party. Probably the loveliest I’ve been to in a while. Sara Stropnik celebrated her B-day with another friend and she already lives in a very lovely house that was not only made more amazing by all the food and setting. By now, I wasn’t only so tired I could barely speak, I was practically blind from lack of my Mark. There were still frames pricking my brain of all the stuff I could have portrayed… People’s outfits. Slippers. Guacamole sauces. Details of the kitchen. Salad spoons. Fruit. Cheeses. Faces. Gifts.

                G was waiting for me in the car. He drove me to location, because I was in no shape to drive alone in the dark in pouring rain, then watched movies on the pad. If there wasn’t for him waiting, I would have stayed longer mute, unhappy without Marki, feeling unnaturally exposed and unusually uncomfortable about being in a room full of strangers. I just wanted to go home. I wanted this party to happen on a day when I’ll be rested and fully equipped. Then it would have been the best party ever. I am such a whore for the visual wonders of individual expressionism.

                Tomorrow, we are shooting in a castle ruin – hopefully with a small bonfire going, but more importantly, we’ll be doing the origins scene … And I’ll write all about it later. Because it will be a scary bitch to pull off. And I can’t wait to try. In the rain. In the cold. I doubt I’ll have any problems convincing the actress to be “extremely miserable and haunted”….

                And I mustn’t forget a rope, in case she gets stuck in the mud.