The worst

Blewh. Been taking two painkillers and one anti-anxiety med every a couple of hours, JUST to prepare myself for a visit to the dentist’s office… Problem is, though the anxiety and the pain are now … well, tolerable, manageable, I am NOT able to cope without self-medication. Especially the anxiety part. The pills I take are so strong I am stoned to butterflies one minute, then I pass out and sleep for hours the next. It is so far the only thing we could think of. I am too afraid of dentists. My last visit 12 or so years ago was too traumatic. And this guy that we are going to, guy I tried going to few months back, he was nice. I think. I cried for half an hour, hiding under the chair. We didn’t get anything done. I rather had the teeth ache. This time the tooth is broken, though, and I am not able to eat or even swallow properly. If I thought I can wait until it fixes itself, I would. But it isn’t working.

Of course a million people go to dentists every day. Mine isn’t even such a big procedure, it’s just a chipped tooth in need of patching. (I’d have had the damn thing pulled, but I worry the adjacent two would collapse without it and this would only make matters worse in the long run… of course with my luck, the whole damn thing will explode and then they will NEED to pull it… Oh, fuck it, just stop. Stop.) I am making SUCH a big deal out of it, it’s depressing everybody.

Hence the heavy medication. Dunno. Maybe I’m just such an egomaniac that I think my teeth can only be fixed by a master dentist with near genius level of skill. That teeth like mine have never existed before. That nobody has ever had such problems with them.  But I’m nearing the age my mother had all of hers removed and replaced and mine are all still here.. (Most.)

Either way. It’s all just in my head. Not BRAIN surgery, but ... Thank the Gods for prescription drugs.