#drobTinka raw goodies workshop

I KNOW I've been ages behind, I KNOW. On top of having comp problems, I've also had the General home for a fortnight, which diverted my attention from selfish uptakes, such as promoting my own wonderful existance on blogs and suchlike, to lots and lots and lots of kissing and coffee dates. Meanwhile, Tinka had a workshop in this adorable teeny tiny town of Braslovče, which also has a brand new library. It was awesome!

Sapir–Whorf hypothesis: what "Arrival" just gave me

I did not know that such a thing as "linguistic relativity" exists. I mean, I did, I just didn't know it does. How did I not think of this before? This shit is amazing. 

Holy bloody fuck that was traumatic

Anticlimactic, but traumatic. You know you’re in trouble when you have your first anxiety attack when you can’t find your first-needed anti-anxiety medication…

            And for the better part of the process I was okay, too, up until the last hour before. I’ve been taking downers for three days, along with the painkillers and soft food. It was just the last shower that freaked me out and I got incredibly angry at G, blaming him for all kinds of unrelated shit. That man has compassion of a fucking pint-sized Nutella jar. He brought me some food and when I refused to get off the bed, he dragged me off, re-assembling me, making me dress, getting me in the car, holding my hand or my finger. I was in SUCH a deep dark place. So scared. Numb, practically; I kept pulling my cap down over my eyes so as not to see anything, and hugging my bag.

            You know professionals worry you will be a mess when they schedule you last for the day. They remembered me just fine and were not happy about me. But the nurse was very nice; she even asked how my grandmother is doing. Once they got me to open my mouth and inject painkiller and more or less (I hope) found the problem, then it was less awful. The doctor figured the decay corroded one of the teeth and it chipped – mechanical damage, not an infection – so he ground the damaged bits off and ultimately managed to apply a mould to lay the filling. He admitted that for my first visit to the dentist to have this shitty procedure done was not the ideal scenario, but it really wasn’t terrible at all. The General stood in the door the whole while, talking to the nurse or just remarking things, as his voice is incredibly soothing, and I kept my eyes shot the whole while, because every time I blinked, I could see the dentist’s visor cowered in water, spit, blood, enamel and bits of filling sawdust.

            I always assume it’s the wrong tooth, though. Not to mention I think we woke up the beast (my upper left 6^th), and it’s just a matter of time before that one wants its turn. In the end, after we were done and the nurse remarked I did great and was a bit warm (completely red in the face) I told them to just leave me here, napping in the chair.

            It was cool. The whole thing, it was nothing compared to the way the previous dentist treated me. Certainly, there were hurtful things, like a grown man trying to cram both his hands into my very small mouth, or all those suction hooks pinching my lips, but all in all, it was nothing to cry about.

           Fuck I’m glad that’s over. I’ve been calling everyone I know like I’ve just gone through a heart transplant or something. G was soaked through and all he had to do was stand in the door. I’ll drink some of My Maja’s coconut milk now and try to eat some noodles (can’t feel half of my face), then pass out. The entirety of this day was only about the damn filling.

I am so sleepy I can't even focus on porn...

The worst

Blewh. Been taking two painkillers and one anti-anxiety med every a couple of hours, JUST to prepare myself for a visit to the dentist’s office… Problem is, though the anxiety and the pain are now … well, tolerable, manageable, I am NOT able to cope without self-medication. Especially the anxiety part. The pills I take are so strong I am stoned to butterflies one minute, then I pass out and sleep for hours the next. It is so far the only thing we could think of. I am too afraid of dentists. My last visit 12 or so years ago was too traumatic. And this guy that we are going to, guy I tried going to few months back, he was nice. I think. I cried for half an hour, hiding under the chair. We didn’t get anything done. I rather had the teeth ache. This time the tooth is broken, though, and I am not able to eat or even swallow properly. If I thought I can wait until it fixes itself, I would. But it isn’t working.

Of course a million people go to dentists every day. Mine isn’t even such a big procedure, it’s just a chipped tooth in need of patching. (I’d have had the damn thing pulled, but I worry the adjacent two would collapse without it and this would only make matters worse in the long run… of course with my luck, the whole damn thing will explode and then they will NEED to pull it… Oh, fuck it, just stop. Stop.) I am making SUCH a big deal out of it, it’s depressing everybody.

Hence the heavy medication. Dunno. Maybe I’m just such an egomaniac that I think my teeth can only be fixed by a master dentist with near genius level of skill. That teeth like mine have never existed before. That nobody has ever had such problems with them.  But I’m nearing the age my mother had all of hers removed and replaced and mine are all still here.. (Most.)

Either way. It’s all just in my head. Not BRAIN surgery, but ... Thank the Gods for prescription drugs.

Sorry I've been ignoring you, lately, dear blog. Been trying to learn how to embroidee beads, but in truth, all I do is work on Goose..

72 pages of final editing in...

How I love sexually harassing my own literary characters. :D

PS I also sneezed so hard I cracked one of my own teeth. Pro level sneezing that is.

PPS And when I'm not writing about them, I am drawing them :) Passions, y'know? :D

The paper pagan + buttons

The witch + a random dragon

The General + 20.000 Quills 2 (spaceship)

The demon

The lover + bow

The paladin + principles

The paramour

The philosopher

The maiden mother + a random Oneir

The banner + random Zurnizip token

The story warden + a red string

The king and his broken teeth...

General's line of the week (okay, more mine this time…)

G: I have the exact route planned out, so don’t ask me where we are going at every turn, alright?

Me: What?... I’m not even listening to you. My mind is completely elsewhere…

[Two minutes of driving in silence later.]

G: Well? 
Me: Well?
G: What are you thinking about?

Me: What?

G: You said you were thinking about something else. What was it?

Me: No, I said my mind is somewhere else. I didn’t know where it was and so I went looking for it.

..

O.o

Great hunt yesterday (perfect, since nobody caught anything, yay) but I think it’s safe to say it was the hardest terrain yet. We had only three dogs, so the four of us who were in the chase had to climb over tremendous patches of blackberry growth, often causing us to get stuck and require use of machetes. Well, I don’t carry a machete and if you need me to stress further how densely knit the thorny vines were: even my dog refused to go first. At some point I lost balance and fell off a rotten stump of a tree, my thick woolly sweater catching the thorns, gripping me so hard I began to worry. Surely the wild boars whom we were chasing must have thought: Guys, just ignore her, she’s zero threat to us…, but if I did by a small chance walk into a pack of boars and that was how they would find me, I would have been killed in a minute and very brutally. The General even found an empty boar nest. But, apart from the threat of imminent slaughter from the things we were hunting and irony (and any time I go along we catch nothing, which I why I go along), the terrain was magnificent, the forest was beautiful and the slopes were so steep we spent most of the time either sliding down very fast or climbing up on all fours. I was so tired by the end I dragged my walking stick and my feet and just kept walking down a path until I got lost. After we got to the cars the General hitched a ride with a colleague to get our own and I stuck around near an old monastery ruin, charring with a young gay cook who worked in the oldest known pub in the country, attached to the monastery. Tired like dogs, Starbark and I sat down in the sun, on a small wooden bridge, and basked, almost napping. I didn’t bring enough water, so my head hurt a little bit, though nothing like what my hands were like – hundred little cuts, like I’ve been whipped by Lilliputians. A day later I’ve taken out most of the thorn, but they’ve began scabbing, which ITCHEEEES like crazy. Another 1:0 for the forest Vs. stupid hunters :D