Beneath the courage, beneath the act, beneath the dispersed sense of timelessness and weightlessness, beneath the yearning for the roads and stories not yet harvested, beneath the need to move, there is comfort and warmth with the density of a dying star. If I do not escape its gravity now, time will run out and I will don a settler's base.

Been a weird few days in my town. This is not a place where you’re supposed to worry about being out at night. There didn’t used to be random crime just happening. The General gets nervous if I wander after nightfall and prohibits me at all to come all the way to his workplace unless it’s early. There are a lot of clocked doors in my life ATM. It’s just the mood the world’s in. A woman went off her rails and slashed tires on something like 130 cars right here, right where I live. A guy tried to rob a train station teller and robbed a hotel clerk for pocket change at gunpoint. Whether or not it was a real gun I don’t know, but this sort of shit didn’t used to happen. You could go into the park, into the woods, walk to the movie theatre outside the town at any hour …

I was watching videos about a girl who hiked the Appalachian Trail and she answered questions people asked her about it… One of those was a question ‘do I need a gun on the trail?…’ Not a rifle, as if against wolves and bears, but a handgun, for protection. It would not occur to anyone around here to ever carry a gun for protection – protection from what? There didn’t used to be situations in which a normal person would require to carry a weapon. The knife I wear is usually for cleaning mushroom or cutting apples in half and opening cans of dog food..

Whether the world has changed or whether I have changed, I didn’t used to be the person to worry about bad stuff happening – staying inside, enjoying indoors, putting a stopper on plans of the wild adventure.

Odd feeling. I don’t like it.

Good thing I am editing the awkward Farbauti the frost Giant sex scene while the heating furnace is off for maintenance and it's only, like, minus eight outside... Wouldn't be the same if I edited it in summer.

Jim Kay's drawing. In the mood I'm in a highly relatable character.

While G and Rockstar visited gran, I grabbed Starbuck and hid Mark under the parka to keep it warm, setting out to trek my favorite walking path alongside the river. I've done that path enough times before to know I can make it 50 km a day without pauses, about 43 if I pause to take pickies or the crazy dog is with me or I get lost; or halfway and back, turning in Polzela (cca 48km). In snow and ice, though, WITH the mutt, WITH the camera, it took me three hours just to reach the lake. But the sun came out and it was SO warm <3 The General drove to the lake and brought me a bagel and tea. Perfect morning, really. The sound of frozen snow under my shoes alone was enough to transcend me to a timeless, primordial rangers' world. 

Offed to a winter hike along the river with the mutt...

... Was adorable <3

 

 

Things from the time when you still needed talent and hard work to be somebody

Watching Beatles: Eight days a Week documentary (about 30 minutes in so far), thinking why I'm so much more a David Bowie person than I am a Beatles person … And I think it's all the screaming from teenage girls (Beliebers?), at a band of young lads who had their image tailored for them by other people (their pudding bowl haircuts mentioned a dozen times and never Astrid Kircherr), who were single and  yet kept singing about love to appeal to the fan base, because they weren't honest and serious, just in it for fame and fun, and because stage personas were meant to be believed (Lennon was supposed to be this lovey kind hippie peacemaker and still he beat women), whereas Bowie… He was a freak from the get-go, a solitary man out there to shock, to change, to challenge – to appeal to nobody, constantly morphing, conforming to no rules, no society, going from terrible ideas to brilliant ideas and his songs weren't about teenage pussy all the time.

I'll probably be getting my period and that's an explanation why I'm being so emotional, but the last two days EVERYTHING is tearing me up. And I'm not talking in a sad sense- no, really, I just read a good passage in an interview in a random newspaper and I start to cry, inspired. The sun shines through the window and casts a ray onto my cake, which has a chocolate snowflake on it, and I start to sob, overflowing happiness. When I worry, I worry catastrophically. When I plan the future, I plan it like a crazy person. I just learned a new word and it inspired me to go back to university and get a masters degree in - drumroll - DOCUMENTARISTICS. 

There is a science called documentaristics. Are you ef-ing kidding me. 

Only took me eighty-seven million ninety two coffees and half that of cakes to pick up a local newspaper and read that word for teh first time. 

Man I'm feeling alive.

Please, universe, don't kill anyone to teach me a lesson in humility. I'm plenty humble. See? No wool socks and it's minus sixteen outside. I'm plenty spartan. 

Yaoi on ice

This unexpected, entirely amazing and adorable new anime in 12 parts has cheered up fairly all anime fans globally, Yuri!!! on Ice is awesome across the board and I have nothing more to say about it. I loved everything - the fact that it's about frigging male FIGURE skating for fuck'ssakes is crazy enough - but music, characters, story, choreographies, even the end credits with the instagram posts are sooo lovely. I nearly pissed myself at episode 11, when JJ, though no-one's favourite, begins to suffer a mental breakdown and everyone is singing along to his theme to support him... That shit was 'grown woman crying like a baby' level. Not to mention the ridiculously intense LOVE factor between almost every character - the possibilities of pairings is endless. And it never once goes over the suggestions, keeping it that much more intense - not when the characters are buck nekkid, not when they run into each-other's arms, not even when they claim they got engaged. Eros and Agape for the win, bitches. 

Yuri returns owerweight and defeated to his home town...

... where his old friends are super excited to see him secretly still believing in the magic of skating ...

... even though it was always the lonelyness and pressure that kept him from performing well ...

... and feeling miles behind the true talent on ice... 

.. and then our story begins :D