Saturday, 9 April 2016

In limbo

On the go
I've not boarded a plane in too long - I had no idea what to do and behaved like a fiddling idiot. Fortunately by the time we parted with G, I was already crying so hard most everyone was taking pity on me and they didn't weight my carry-on. Except the body check lady - she was unfazed by my sentimentality. Sometimes I think all these lenghly procedures are there to distract you from personal sadness - or sadness distracts you from the boring boarding procedures. I wish I was taller and thinner and then I could be a stewardess.

I loaded about 300 episodes of One Piece on the iPad and as I type this, it mostly feels like I'm on a crowded train. In case there is no meal served, Tinka packed me these adorable little pockets of nuts and granola mixes, which smell like vagina, but they're a life saver. She knows I freaking adore cashews, since I always eat them first out of every mix.. :D It's hot and the seats are a bit worn out, though other than that this is such a simple jump. (If costly. I failed to print some coupons that I didn't notice and had to pay 30 bucks to get my flight pass. Crappy, really. George Clooney in 'Up in the air' I am not..)

Am making myself a new safescape, a new mental happy place to reatreat to - one that will last longer than the previous one, because the other time at the dentist's I only had about two minutes of material. Now I'm making myself a summer forest path, paved with last year's golden ginko leaves, fresh new sappling greens and deep darker green in the distance. Almost any way I turn I can see the General's shoulder in my peripheral and Lyra runs between our feet once in a while. This path is long and beautiful, better than perfect even - it's idyllic. Up and down and on and on. As a Hobbit would say: over hill and under tree..

Touchdown. Crowd goes wild.
If someone was watching me through the hotel window and they've never seen anyone clear their photo gear before, it might look to them like I was a sniper assassin :D
Because I am not used to this, everything about the airport was overwhelming - the flight was good, not a single bump, even though we had to fly through two layers of clouds - up first and then down again (no, really?). Although Luton is not too big, it was packed with thousands of people. Most of them didn't have EU ePassports and had to wait in line even longer, but as it turns out, I do have an ePassport and could just show it to a machine, which greenlit my entry into UK. Then I had to wait for the conveyer belt (is it spelled like that? No idea.) to bring me my big red case. As it turns out, dragging a 40 pound suitcase is nowhere near easier than carrying a 40 pound backpack. There goes my tiny bike-trailer theory. I got the suitcase, easy enough, even though I always dread they'll misplace it, my precious little cargo (love-letter paper and my inks and toothbrush and the like, things I cannot be happy without..) and then dragged it outside, following a photo on my phone, of where the hotel was supposed to be. Didn't need it, really; an airport worker directed me just around the corner. I'm here now. I'm actually too tired to go outside or even leave the room, even though I suppose I could go explore and look at the airplanes take off across the parking lot. But for now, I'm just sitting at the desk wearing nothing but The General's oversized T-shirt, cleaning the camera.
I had a tremendous headache before I arrived, not having drank enough, or at all. The water here tastes really weird and I'm suspecting I will have to start using hair conditioner, because I washed my hands three times now and my skin has gone as dry as sand. I washed my blusher brush and the eyeglass little hankies to use them to clean the lenses and the corners of the gear. The General bought me a duche-cleaning-looking little air blowing rubber thingie, which I don't know why I haven't gotten before. Cleaned the sensor, cleaned the bag, cleaned the caps of the lenses, the whole catalogue. Of course realised too late the Brits truly are a fucking island and their power outlets don't agree with my chargers... But at least I can send texts home and hope the phone bill won't kill the General come end of month.
This room is very nice and the booming sound of air buses taking off every two minutes actually soothes me. Makes me want to have a private jet. They're tiny and prissy. The back wall of my view is deep blue sky with big pillowy white and gray clouds, so it makes for an even better screen saver :)) After I almost passed out and slept for two hours on unfamiliar pillows, G informed me he's told all my family members I've arrived safely and grandma's called me twice. G calls it divine providence that for some reason I can't call anyone back but him, Chatty Cathy. Oh, did I mention,  while I was on the plane, there were dozens of primary school kids on their finishing school trip, and also the entire female Ice Hockey representative, one of which they called Shannon the Cannon :D Adorable :D
There is a small tray of complimentary coffees and tees and a water heater on the table. I am usually too afraid to use any of this stuff, so that they wouldn't charge me for it (I never know what is complimentary and what is not), though since there aren't any single serving shampoos and soaps, I just might pack everything. I mean, not the water heater. I'm not a barbarian. 

I should go down and see if they at least have a library, but I think for now I'll just watch One Piece, read Thug Notes and engineer my repacking. (Now that the customs no longer care how I carry what where.) I've promised myself to stay off FB for this trip and so far I have. Odd, how far away everything seems. I do go into uncontrollable sobbing every time I think of not seeing the General tonight - I wept like a crocodile when I walked out of the airport and people were waiting for people and he wasn't there (of course he wasn't, he's a continent away.) We'll see if the distance makes us love one another less or more, but the fact is, I feel the same when we're not in the same room, whether it's one door away or a thousand.