Mini panic attack

I got triggered today at the sight of drone brood cells -

- this is not my photo, our drone cells were fewer, but more pronounced and there was something deeply parasitic in the sight of them, something fungae-like, an unnatural growth. Of course, there was nothing really wrong with it, it was a beautiful brood panel, but I started to get overwhelmed and this culminated into a small temper tantrum, a panic fit, finally sparked by someone making a comment on my Facebook announcement regarding the closure of post office traffic. Finally, I exploded and for about six or seven hours I was in full-blown depression anxiety stage. I left the site to return to town on foot, took a shower, cried and shook - the General tried to cheer me up with oral sex and later ice-cream - and bad thoughts kept washing over me. Ugly, dark, remorseful, desperate thoughts. I closed down my Instagram and FB and the Etsy store, simply because the stress of it all was getting to me. I won't deal with it until at least the pans arrive or something. I need to calm down a bit. Not to dread every time I have a sale on whether or not I will be able to ship it or will some fucktard clerk calmly explain ten times the shipping fee or the normal post and four times the price of the content is just how they do business, sorry. We have enough money for a while and today earlier my drawing books arrived. I spent the evening testing the paper. Even cleaned the desk a little, to make room. I told the General not to try to stop me from feeling miserable, because I need to process it, not pretend I'm cool. The nightmares need to simmer down on their own. They will. I just need no one to die.

And the cat has some skin thing going on, with vast patched of hair having fallen out and she's bleeding from the scabs. Fun times.