Lineage

See these three women? I know what you may think. You may think that I am a time traveller. Because they all look exactly the same and they all look exactly like me. We all have the exact same colour eyes and it's probable we all have the same blood type. (Though I have a lot of my father in me and am, unlike them, more stout than lean.)
The first one is my great grandma. The second is my grandma. The third is my ma.
She looks EXACLY like me. (Though bit thinner.) I had to really drill my memory to think if anyone's ever taken a photo of me on this shore, with my mum. But neup, wrong generation. Which is pretty friggin awesome, if you ask me :)

On suicide

To the people trying to kill themselves.
People. I am a pro when it comes to suicide. Okay, granted, I am still here, so that tilts my crown a little bit, but I have gotten so very close so many times I can safely say I am the authority on the subject. I know it so well, in fact, I not only know how to do it depending on what you want to achieve with it, I know how to trick it into not working. I got ridiculously close four times, but every time the sane part of me, the part that is in control 99,99% of the time, kicked my safety latches into effect, until the crazy wind blew over. The only time there was no such safety net was also the only time (right after my first marriage fell apart like a house of cards that it was) I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing and so a few hours later I woke up and thought: Amazing. This is so much harder than I was led to believe.

There had been people who asked me how to do it and I told them how to do it. But there’s a vast difference between people who are dark in their heads and people who simply cannot fucking stand their existence any longer. Their lives suck. The circumstances suck. Their loneliness is uncanny. But inside their minds, the weather is shiny.

To those people, who can no longer stand the people around them, their bosses, classmates, family members, spouses, kids, dirty uncles, even dirtier priests, TV hosts whatever… before you sink, or drop the toaster, or pull the trigger, or drink the detergent, this is what you should do: Without thinking put on your strongest shoes, your toughest pants, your warmest jacket, your favorite hat and get your passport. Walk outside the door, not window, and don’t stop walking. Pick a part of the world from the top of your thoughts. Don’t stop walking. Hitchhike. Jump trains. Bum rides. Hide on ships. Beg the food. Know your shelters. Gravitate towards warm, open places. Or deep, dark, dense cities of sin and street smarts. Whatever gets your blood up. Meet the people. See the world. Feel the sun on your skin. Don’t stop. Cry when sad. Giggle when glad. Scream when angry. Even if you circumnavigate the planet, don’t stop. Never make any decisions regarding anyone but yourself. Decide for yourself and learn to deal with your decisions.

I guarantee it: lust for life will catch up. Chances are, should you ever return to where you started, you’ll take far less shit from anyone than you did before.

Just don’t try this in winter. Freezing to death has a nasty way of sneaking up on you.

Tv shows and otherwise updates...

Things I've been watching lately…

Well, there's Spartacus, which took me about an hour to go through all two and a half seasons, because I was skipping scenes of violence and sex to get to the story …  I downloaded it so that the General would have stuff to watch while waiting for me in the car as I hopped around on the field, taking photos. And it has Craig Parker. He isn’t very good here, though if you are into fire-hydrant bloodworks and penises, this really is a show for you. Seriously, if you thought HBO’s Rome over-did it with their ONE gilded penis, the thin veil of hints of erotica over antique art is g-o-n-e. Triple penetration in slow motion is a little bit impressive in daytime TV, even for me. But the costumes are nice. And it’s been a while since I’ve seen anything Roman. And I like Rome. I haven’t been to Hadrian’s Villa in over a decade. *self-slap*

There’s a new show on called The River. It’s about the Amazon River, duhh, and it’s like super spooky, if you are the type to be afraid to go to pee down the dark hall in the middle of the night. (I am, but that’s just because there’s so much stuff in all our rooms you are almost certainly bound to dislocate a thumb if you try to walk without the light on.) It’s kind of like Blair Witch meets The Relic Hunter. But it has Thomas Kretschmann. Thou shall not, ever, overlook Thomas Kretschmann. You don’t have to listen to him speak; you just have to stare at his timeless Arian face. And hope he doesn’t die too soon. Unless he dies naked. Then it’s okay.

And Glee. You can’t go wrong with Glee. Nothing gory, sexy or scary there. And some of the songs are very well tribute. I especially like their take on Adele and C. Aguilera’s Candyman.

As movies go, I watched Winter’s Bone (great stuff)

Couple of minutes of Three Musketeers (No. No, no.)

Bit of Scarface (Really not my cup of tea)

And some Japanese or Taiwanese stuff that I don’t know the title of, because it wasn’t in Latin script.

Some day, not far from now, it will be so warm it won't even be funny anymore. The evenings will be very long and the air will be very clear and full of lights as the city will continue to live on, comfortably, unlike now when people are miserable and cold and go to bed early, to sleep it off. Some day soon, I will be able to open my windows and city noise will pour in, the dog will bark at the walkers on the street, I will be able to feel air on my skin as oppose to now, when I feel several layers of different clothing, and cold. I will be able to wear thongs and flipflops again and my hair won't be greasy from caps all the time, I will be able to drink cold drinks and eat ice-cream, which I like so very much. The money now spent on heating will go for travel gas. A lot more money will be spent of coffee and cakes, because the doggie walks just won't be the same without stopping at Miško Knjižko, bathing our faces in the morning sun...

         Some day. Some day. Though for now we can go snow sledding and throwing the dog around in piles of the white puff that makes it sneeze and act like a plow, pushing her snout under the blankets.

Also a haiku,

There is a tiny spider crawling three dimensionally 

around my desk. Slowly. I have no idea where he came from.

Or why.

Minus seventeen and road-trippin'

Off to Polzela. They make socks there. Which is good, because I am treading in two feet of snow to get these shots :))

Drej's proof party :D

*glow with pride*

There's just something about stories on paper, that makes you really happy to be a part of creative process. It's likely the smell, because nothing smells as good as a newborn volume.

A little bit of snow, a lot of fun for doggies :)

... and before you ask - yes, this is a two-headed, eightlegged dog in a spitfire parka.

 The chase...

 Sofi

 Stay. And wait.

 Nooo! No barking! No singing, no yawning.

 Barky begging for the ball.

 Barky demanding the ball.

 Sofek.

 Sofi wrangling.

 I think I may have something stuck on my tooth.

 Sofi & Drej

Not sure what you're doing, it looks fun, but *what* are you doing?!

I find coupling amazing. I don't mean sex, anyone can do that, I mean pairing. People, who are supposed to live in couples. Not threes, not alone, not fours or a tribe. Two. The most natural, most easy-in condition in society: a pair. Particularly sleeping in couples. It's odd for a couple to sleep in separate beds, usually an indication something's way off. Not very many other creatures are suchlike. Watching ducks today I understand several species couple and remain monogamous, but very few actually spoon. I've been staying up late and with my room temperature and my metabolism, that simply means that by midnight, I'm stiff, numb and cold as a rock and then for the rest of the night, as I climb in the bed (literally, as my bed is up a steep tall ladder), I am embraced and warmed by the cushiest, hottest, most lovingly snoring human blankie made just for me - and the world is alright. It's like the most natural thing, ever - being comfortable with another human being when sleeping. Isn't that so weird? Something so simple being so amazing and something so amazing being so simple.