Talking to my besties pretty much all day. It's gonna rain like Gomorrah tomorrow, me thinks. On related news, release date for the new WoW expansion announced and oh, how I love seeing Garrosh again. Orcs truly kick ass across the board. I should write the third part of the damn play already.. But my head if full of very wicket thoughts and some very wicket fantasies indeed. This is no brainscape for socially critical drama of gloom. :D I can barely keep myself from writing sexy poetry. Nuts. :D

Some super-touristey pickies from the holiday

The only wait we had - for the Krk-Cres ferry. Also the time when it finally got sunny and hot

The ferry, obviously

Looks like a lot of people were coming, but in truth, hundreds were leaving at the same time

This is the line, miles and miles long, waiting to depart

Though before we got to the shore, this view of a collapsed cave dominated the docks

And this was a buffer. I like buffers. And buoys. And boys.

View from the tent, when it wasn't raining. Later I moved the 'kitchen' box.

On the first day, the 'storage room' was still perfectly neat. On the right is the large inflatable bed.

 

People on the piers at sundown

The pic is bad, but the colors really were beautiful

The settlement from the outside - the canopy canvas is not there yet, the kayak is still a dead balloon and we haven't really gotten our sea legs yet

Empty road between small villages, with impenetrable shrubbery on each side.

Another view of the evening bay - one of several tiny bays

Docks in Osor

Kids fishing from the pier

Trouble brewing

... To be continued...

Back to reality or "The Island of Two Husbands"

Day 1

Hopped from camp to camp like Goldilocks – one was too crowded, the other was too expensive, the third was too naked… Tired, we landed in an old place from days of future past… Coincidentally the place where I once, about a decade ago, first kissed my then husband, who taught surfing in this camp. Back in the living room, behind the comp, I steered clear of this region like the plague, though it was a very nice place. We were lucky with the roads, as all of the painfully long lines for the bridge and the ferry and the toll stretched down the opposite lanes. Only took us twice the planned time and the weather cleared, too. Half an hour to pitch the tent, half an hour to inflate the kayak, jumping into the water, snorkelling, paddling, having sex in four different really bizarre but really fun positions in almost zero gravity … when the voice of ex-husband got to us across the small bay. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me?! Talk about a boner killer. 

                Would have been something to feel very awkward about, if in my grand idiotic inability to plan vacations I didn’t manage to place our tent, like, a 100 feet away from where the ex was cotting. Of all the gin joints in all the world, seriously?!… So an awkward situation very quickly became a really fucking awkward situation. General began polishing his machete. 

Day 2

Dug ditches like a pro. Made insta coffee from lukewarm water and then rain fell. If torrents come down on our tiny settlement, we’ll be buggered. Or at least muddy and wet. And cranky. So I dug a few more ditches. Good thing we both have army training, otherwise those would just be muddy lines all around a muddy tent. All the spiders migrated in the outer shell, to dry off. Kayak is experiencing an identity crisis, as it now contains water as opposed to being on top of the situation.

Midnight: superthunderstorm. The lightning struck the shop in the middle of the camp and remote turned on all our phones and drained the batteries. I was worried about being electrocuted on the first day, so we had sex during which I could actually make noise. You can’t really be as noisy as I am, and there is nothing much more than a handkerchief separating your form the rest of the family camp. But during thunderstorm it’s okay. On minus side, having a bit of bladder infection. On plus side, ditches held up! Go army training!

 

Day 3

Fucked up again, because I snuck out to paddle across the bay, where I was not supposed to, because G worries some wild yacht will cut me into pink little pieces and also the kayak. I like the opposite side, because reasons. It’s not peopled or tame and there are big sea shells and pretty stones to make a shamble. There’s a secluded house with a romantic pier (actually the sort of a place to go have dates on, if you happen to like to paddle), a secluded (pirate!) bay, some nasty jagged reefs, capes…  I like to be away from the camp. Most families have small children and those are a fucking nightmare, until you start to listen in on what the parents are like; then kids start making sense. But there is a song bird by one of the tents, constantly flirting with itself. A lot of people in the camp ‘talk’ to it. It’s lovely. And many people have dogs. I miss mine. Anyhoo, long story short, the General was again pissed at me for disobeying him. Even if he pretends not to be angry for too long, when we go to bed, when he falls asleep, he does the pinching thing and he was pinching me badly today.

Made him some nice soup for dinner, as he was feeling poorly, testing the tiny gas bomb stove thingie. It’s actually a proper fun!

Day 4

Made pancakes with Nutella and dry raspberries in a tiny pan. Very windy. We have so many ropes, holding down the canvas over the tent and then the tents, our settlement feels like a cat burglar’s training grounds. 

Have not used bathroom products since we got here. My skin is super beautiful and am sporting a hobo hag look, which suits me fantastic.

Day 5

Water like oil this morning, before dawn. Paddled hard core to the next town, with camera in a cat food can for safety. Took pickies as if this was Marki, having finally stopped missing it. Paddled back and did not get scolded this time, as stuck to the right side of the shore. We did some diving to look for shells, some smoochie, then just sat on the surf and let the waves rock us, I fell asleep a bit, tangled in G’s arms and the water was same temp as air. Perfect happiness, supremely elemental. Off to a civilised meal in the Osor town; what date is it today anyways? 

Day 6

Watched kitschy sunrise. Was boring, so we pretended to watch cloud porn. I made up a story ‘bout a Cloud Doctor. Still having a damn hard time writing “Veris”, which is gloomy social drama and this place is paradise. Also, have spent so long diminishing bad narrative, suddenly dialogue is problem. My stage instructions are longer than debates. Would probably need another manual on how to write JUST dialogue… again. 

Day 7

Decided to leave. Partially, because the weather was starting to turn sour again and partially because I went and talked to the ex.. Was odd. I said something very strange. I have no idea why I said it. It was supposed to make sense, but it came out of a very strange place, somewhere way beyond my head and not quite yet in the cunt. What’s between? Oh, right, the long gone heart. Will elaborate on this subject in some other post. Am sleepy now and full of Serbian food. Anyways, I said: “I cannot have two husbands and the one I do have can’t be you.”

G was so angry he deflated my kayak and we went home.

---

On the way home, stopped in the military museum in Pivka. There were lots of tanks. General cheered up and now he has calmed down summat. We also bought half the gift shop, which always helps. Got the dog from parents.

I so fucking need to talk to someone. Writing usually helps, put sometimes you just need a friend to bitchslap you back to senses. I think my heart might suddenly be back in town.

Like, how the fuck did that happen??

Yasunari Kawabata

LoL, I was looking for some more (light) summer reading, and came across these photos of Yasunari Kawabata .

Love this study. No books, just thought. It would take me ages to get used to sitting like this, but i think it would be worth it. 

He's a Japanese Nobel Prize winner and well, his works are very good and ridiculously depressing... And I couldn't but think of Hemingway and even Marquez, who was a jovial guy - is it like a mandatory personality description for literature giants to be brooding, depressed, melancholy and sombre?It just kind of makes me feel like the dude was a total fucking snob.

>.<

...

Thunder rolling and rumbling around. Rain :D Normally I would like it, but we're departing today and dragging things down to the car in the rain is a bitch :D

The addiction in check

This is not our tent or location - yet. This is just the feeling ... :)

I think sometimes that the General disallows me to stray out of his sight, because he is aware of how lightly my addictions sleep. You give me a beach screen, a bottle of water, camera and an inflatable boat and there is now way of knowing where I will drift. I am always on the verge of walking, always, const5antly combating the siren call of the road and adventure. Being so madly in love with him is the only anchor. Not even a concern for my safety, not even what would become of my things should I ever return, these things don't sway me enough. I am always standing on the doorstep. Even on almost every doggie walk I take, when we get to the point when we turn around, I think: but no, I would keep walking. 

This is why, I think, the General refuses to let me bring my hiking shoes or my phone or give me money or lets go of my passport or even voted for keeping home the Marki camera. He knows that every bit of encouragement from objects I associate with adventure only put another drop of oil onto the fire that is already burning. the problem is, it has ever been, that I don't want to walk AWAY from things - I don't do it 'cause I must or should or want to or am unhappy. Has nothing to do with it. It's just who I am. An anchored down drifter. Ever propelled. I am able to start walking naked and blindfolded. Put shoes, a wind jacket on me and give me my camera and I will be ripped down the middle. 

My husband is a very clever man. He knows JUST the right way to remove the temptation for long enough to distract me and the danger to pass. This is not a coincidence. The first one really fucking sucked at this and I was miserable. Under his reign, I actually walked too much.He managed to ruin my love for him AND my love for walking.

The General always buys me the best trekking shoes. He just ties together the shoelaces, so i don't stray too far.

Another lesson in Kristian's workshop - the lesson of Grotesque surrender. It's a mask lesson - the bit where you put on the mask and let it drive you. Another thing I would probably suck at. Firstly, because as I watched, I noticed a person either completely at a loss of what she should do and another man, completely over-doing it. It just frustrated the teacher. They either seemed to be too preoccupied with the space uneven (stage), with the audience (mentor) or their own headspace. I know that if I disconnected from my person, I would instantly connect to another creature, something either trapped, hitting the walls or trying to crawl through the cracks like I watched my caged birds do or I would be a predator. Both times, I'd just take reins of another role - not allow an object to control me. It wouldn't really be acting in my case. I'm actually that nuts.

...

Packing. :D Like always, when traveling with a car and tent, I love packing in plastic crates. Once, long time ago, I bought several and you can stack them very neatly in any space, but also place them like a wardrobe, open sides facing the room. I so fucking looking forward to this vacation, I worry about everything. Which is a rush on it's own.I haven't had reisefieber in a decade.

....

Also having deep psychological thoughts, but right now I am too busy packing and unpacking to put them down in full sentences. So you'll just have to take my word for it :P

Too good to be tried

Sometimes I tell mum, when I recommend books or something, that some things are too good to be seen or read... Like, I wouldn't want her to read The Book Thief, because I know she wouldn't be too upset about it. There are several books like this, that neither I want to read nor would I want others to read them. I know they are magnificent. But their toll on my ridiculously empathic spirit would be too vexing. 

Sometimes I really wanna see certain movies, knowing them to be really, really very good. I find myself reading all about them and doing a lot of research - but I cannot make myself to watch them. Even though I know the plot, I know every spoiler scene by scene. Movies are awfully direct medium. In a right combination of the visual and auditory, not to mention invoking memories, striking chords in our own psyche that - purposefully, I mean - get just the right effect... I've been trying to watch The Killing Fields, for example. I just can't do it. 

Something tells me I'm getting the reisefieber. The pre-traveling anxiety. I keep thinking something bad will happen to stop us from going or I imagine something bad happening while we drive there or back or something. Ugly thoughts. Fears. Over-imagination. Just because I'm really looking forward to this trip after such a long time. I cannot imagine how some people just don't think about stuff like that. General doesn't seem to worry at all. How does he keep his wit so perky? O.o

Went to a theater workshop today... Partially as a tourist, grateful, and some as a photographer. The lesson in stage and ensemble awareness... From which we learned: this would be very difficult for me. Because a) they were barefoot and I don't do barefoot. b) They touched. I don't do touching. c) They did trust. I don't do trust. Man, this actor thing is really freaking difficult!... Good thing I'm just a photie.

Fear is not the same as a discomfort I choose to nurture.fear is... Well, an awe of theater isn't fear either. I find it enormously challenging. All those weird people. photogenic, but also vocal. Funny combo. And sometimes there's good light. 

So there's definitely an appeal there...

 

:D

General felt bad about having to work for a few more days, when we should have already departed for vacation, so he bought me a kayak :D This is actually an excellent way to get rid of me, if you hide the air pump and me gotsta inflate it huffin' and puffin' :))))

LoL... Me, paddlin' merrily :D