Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Too good to be tried

Sometimes I tell mum, when I recommend books or something, that some things are too good to be seen or read... Like, I wouldn't want her to read The Book Thief, because I know she wouldn't be too upset about it. There are several books like this, that neither I want to read nor would I want others to read them. I know they are magnificent. But their toll on my ridiculously empathic spirit would be too vexing. 
Sometimes I really wanna see certain movies, knowing them to be really, really very good. I find myself reading all about them and doing a lot of research - but I cannot make myself to watch them. Even though I know the plot, I know every spoiler scene by scene. Movies are awfully direct medium. In a right combination of the visual and auditory, not to mention invoking memories, striking chords in our own psyche that - purposefully, I mean - get just the right effect... I've been trying to watch The Killing Fields, for example. I just can't do it. 

Something tells me I'm getting the reisefieber. The pre-traveling anxiety. I keep thinking something bad will happen to stop us from going or I imagine something bad happening while we drive there or back or something. Ugly thoughts. Fears. Over-imagination. Just because I'm really looking forward to this trip after such a long time. I cannot imagine how some people just don't think about stuff like that. General doesn't seem to worry at all. How does he keep his wit so perky? O.o

Went to a theater workshop today... Partially as a tourist, grateful, and some as a photographer. The lesson in stage and ensemble awareness... From which we learned: this would be very difficult for me. Because a) they were barefoot and I don't do barefoot. b) They touched. I don't do touching. c) They did trust. I don't do trust. Man, this actor thing is really freaking difficult!... Good thing I'm just a photie.

Fear is not the same as a discomfort I choose to nurture.fear is... Well, an awe of theater isn't fear either. I find it enormously challenging. All those weird people. photogenic, but also vocal. Funny combo. And sometimes there's good light. 

So there's definitely an appeal there...