Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Back to reality or "The Island of Two Husbands"

Day 1

Hopped from camp to camp like Goldilocks – one was too crowded, the other was too expensive, the third was too naked… Tired, we landed in an old place from days of future past… Coincidentally the place where I once, about a decade ago, first kissed my then husband, who taught surfing in this camp. Back in the living room, behind the comp, I steered clear of this region like the plague, though it was a very nice place. We were lucky with the roads, as all of the painfully long lines for the bridge and the ferry and the toll stretched down the opposite lanes. Only took us twice the planned time and the weather cleared, too. Half an hour to pitch the tent, half an hour to inflate the kayak, jumping into the water, snorkelling, paddling, having sex in four different really bizarre but really fun positions in almost zero gravity … when the voice of ex-husband got to us across the small bay. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me?! Talk about a boner killer. 

                Would have been something to feel very awkward about, if in my grand idiotic inability to plan vacations I didn’t manage to place our tent, like, a 100 feet away from where the ex was cotting. Of all the gin joints in all the world, seriously?!… So an awkward situation very quickly became a really fucking awkward situation. General began polishing his machete. 

Day 2

Dug ditches like a pro. Made insta coffee from lukewarm water and then rain fell. If torrents come down on our tiny settlement, we’ll be buggered. Or at least muddy and wet. And cranky. So I dug a few more ditches. Good thing we both have army training, otherwise those would just be muddy lines all around a muddy tent. All the spiders migrated in the outer shell, to dry off. Kayak is experiencing an identity crisis, as it now contains water as opposed to being on top of the situation.
Midnight: superthunderstorm. The lightning struck the shop in the middle of the camp and remote turned on all our phones and drained the batteries. I was worried about being electrocuted on the first day, so we had sex during which I could actually make noise. You can’t really be as noisy as I am, and there is nothing much more than a handkerchief separating your form the rest of the family camp. But during thunderstorm it’s okay. On minus side, having a bit of bladder infection. On plus side, ditches held up! Go army training!

Day 3

Fucked up again, because I snuck out to paddle across the bay, where I was not supposed to, because G worries some wild yacht will cut me into pink little pieces and also the kayak. I like the opposite side, because reasons. It’s not peopled or tame and there are big sea shells and pretty stones to make a shamble. There’s a secluded house with a romantic pier (actually the sort of a place to go have dates on, if you happen to like to paddle), a secluded (pirate!) bay, some nasty jagged reefs, capes…  I like to be away from the camp. Most families have small children and those are a fucking nightmare, until you start to listen in on what the parents are like; then kids start making sense. But there is a song bird by one of the tents, constantly flirting with itself. A lot of people in the camp ‘talk’ to it. It’s lovely. And many people have dogs. I miss mine. Anyhoo, long story short, the General was again pissed at me for disobeying him. Even if he pretends not to be angry for too long, when we go to bed, when he falls asleep, he does the pinching thing and he was pinching me badly today.
Made him some nice soup for dinner, as he was feeling poorly, testing the tiny gas bomb stove thingie. It’s actually a proper fun!

Day 4

Made pancakes with Nutella and dry raspberries in a tiny pan. Very windy. We have so many ropes, holding down the canvas over the tent and then the tents, our settlement feels like a cat burglar’s training grounds. 
Have not used bathroom products since we got here. My skin is super beautiful and am sporting a hobo hag look, which suits me fantastic.

Day 5

Water like oil this morning, before dawn. Paddled hard core to the next town, with camera in a cat food can for safety. Took pickies as if this was Marki, having finally stopped missing it. Paddled back and did not get scolded this time, as stuck to the right side of the shore. We did some diving to look for shells, some smoochie, then just sat on the surf and let the waves rock us, I fell asleep a bit, tangled in G’s arms and the water was same temp as air. Perfect happiness, supremely elemental. Off to a civilised meal in the Osor town; what date is it today anyways? 

Day 6

Watched kitschy sunrise. Was boring, so we pretended to watch cloud porn. I made up a story ‘bout a Cloud Doctor. Still having a damn hard time writing “Veris”, which is gloomy social drama and this place is paradise. Also, have spent so long diminishing bad narrative, suddenly dialogue is problem. My stage instructions are longer than debates. Would probably need another manual on how to write JUST dialogue… again. 

Day 7

Decided to leave. Partially, because the weather was starting to turn sour again and partially because I went and talked to the ex.. Was odd. I said something very strange. I have no idea why I said it. It was supposed to make sense, but it came out of a very strange place, somewhere way beyond my head and not quite yet in the cunt. What’s between? Oh, right, the long gone heart. Will elaborate on this subject in some other post. Am sleepy now and full of Serbian food. Anyways, I said: “I cannot have two husbands and the one I do have can’t be you.”
G was so angry he deflated my kayak and we went home.

On the way home, stopped in the military museum in Pivka. There were lots of tanks. General cheered up and now he has calmed down summat. We also bought half the gift shop, which always helps. Got the dog from parents.
I so fucking need to talk to someone. Writing usually helps, put sometimes you just need a friend to bitchslap you back to senses. I think my heart might suddenly be back in town.
Like, how the fuck did that happen??