Tuesday, 29 March 2016

A very rare occurrence – that I have absolutely nothing to do - today. There were two projects up in the air, one for a stop-motion video and a solar-collector mechanics sketch. The later was commissioned by people who also employ a guy I know from before and it was the most predictable thing in the world that he would try to discredit me. He was one of those low people. I sent two sketches and there was no answer for a while, then that they are no good. When I did a sketch exactly as they proposed, no input of my own, they said the mechanics of it are all wrong. I considered replying that not only is it based upon their suggestion but also only a sketch, a vector sketch  – easily modified – but naa. That is over now. I am done with that stuff now. Hopefully for good. Or at least a good while.
The stop-motion video seems to be going alright, only few modifications, but I haven’t received any detailed instructions yet since morning, so for the first time in a really long time, I am sitting at home, with absolutely nothing to do. No rush. No sense of dread. No feeling that I should be making money so that we could buy food at the end of the month. Even the horror over having to see a dentist tomorrow somehow feels like a distant threat. I’m watching a movie. Reading a book. Playing WoW. Cooking a little. Every once in a while I check a little bit of the travel plans. But mostly I am unbelievably calm. Like I had my eyes and ears closed in a room full of screaming people. Like I’ve been asleep in a whirlwind nightmare for a decade and now I’ve finally woken up and it’s a really nice morning. Fresh air. Somewhere only a little bit of traffic and a bird singing. Someone turning the pages of an old book.
Part of that is also the weather and the fact(or) they’ve switched the time again, making it still twilight at eight in the evening. I have missed a promise of summer so dearly. It’s possible that if I get this work, I won’t be back until December, winter again.
I watched an animated movie called Beast and Boy – Bakemono no Ko yesterday, and it was a lovely movie, but above that I loved the garden of one of the prince’s houses – a yard full of bamboo trees. I imagined myself sitting on the deck, looking at a sea of green of the like. I would probably be inspired to write a poem, albeit not a very good one. It would probably go something like this:

There is a sea of trees before me
Behind each a question lurking
Their leaves are words of the answer
But I cannot reach to arrange them
Into the proper form.
There is a sea of whispers/secrets/riddles* before me.

*haven't decided yet