Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Fuck elves

Oh, and I remembered the third thing that bothered me from updates this morning .. I saw this picture and this quote from the actress who plays god knows who in Hobbit.

Killing? Really? Killing? Because that's what people who love Hobbit want to see? Killing? You're gonna put in another fucking elf with six foot extensions to do more killing?How is this a movie about battles and slaughter and who guts whom with what? Who are these fucking elves? As I remember it, there were only two elves worth naming in Hobbit: one was kind and wise and good (Elrond) and the other was a fucking asshole (Thranduil). I was fine with that, because elves are supposed to represent a kind of polarity in sage ambition (same as wizards) – you can go right and be a spiritual, well read entity of legend, or you can go wrong and you can act as a total dick. Thranduil was a total dick. Everybody knew that. He knew that. That was a whole point. And I understand you need to continue to up the ante on fighting the actual villains (admittedly, interesting addition to Thorin's consta whining), but now we not only get that idiot Orlandobloomiel fifteen years later, shooting more arrows and doing more fake-lens-wide-eyed glaring, as if that's all this movie is about. (I don't mind him doing it three times in an eleven hour saga. But taking time away from Beorn for more CGI Legolas is lame.) Seriously, as if killing took talent and courage. Any moron thug can manage admirably well.
I imagine my problem with »who's the best dressed bully« is because I have gotten to that final stage in playing Warcraft, where I dare to be the tank. Tank is the most complicated and responsible role one can play. (Except if you ask twelve year old boys. Than it's real easy.) There are usually 12 players to every tank in 25 raid groups. Or, the regular deal, five people and one of them is a tank. The other complicated role is that of a healer, but there are three healers to a tank in raids. In a group of 25 players, among six healers, you can be pretty stupid and the group will still pull through. But not easily so, if you're a bad tank.
So now, I'm playing a tank. Rockstar had to help me with the first twenty levels and explained the basics which I live by to this day. Those were good tips. Vital, in fact. And after a while, you get to predict stuff that will make the job harder. It's never the trick of being a good player in a good group. It's doing the salvaging of difficult that makes a solid performer (agree, elves?)
Here are some of my favorite responds to retarded co-players.
Me: »Hunter, please turn the growl off your pet. It's pulling apart my CC (crowd control).«
Them: »Just be a better tank.«
(Once you get all the mobs to fight YOU, everyone else can do their part. But if a growling pet breaks it and it does repeatedly, everyone else is consta interrupted. There’s no winning against huntards.)
Me: “Hunter, please turn off the aspect of the pack.”
Them: “Why?”
(After 60 levels, you would think that they would notice that being under that aspect makes your character unable  to move or cast when struck?)
Them: »Big pulls, please. Or let the druid tank, he's pulling whole rooms.«
Me: »Yes, because being able to pull the mobs is what's important in a tank.”
(Any idiot can – and usually does – pull lots of mobs on themselves. Keeping them on and staying alive during is where the focus comes in.”
Rogue tanks. (Rogues are the fastest moving roles and have the tendency to think themselves the most amazing, but the problem is, but sticky bit is, they are wearing leather, not plait.)
Folk who sign in as DPS, but are in fact in tank spec and tank needs and tank spells. But can’t play for shit, so when they break the CC and the healer dies and then everyone else, it’s my fault. They will loot my gear, though. For their “off” spec.
And my favorite by far, from a healer: Big pulls, please. (Me: “Will you be able to keep up?”) I will, but you are kind of weak.
(It’s super easy to pull whole rooms and even to control them, but of course the healer needs to be able to heal, otherwise bye bye muchachos. If they are too lazy or too dumb, though, it is of course your gear that’s the issue. Not his.)
So spare me the Pai Mei bullshit. Who’s the biggest bully in da cave is NOT something to celebrate your culture upon.