Thursday, 4 November 2010

This cannot be my life

I feel so lost. Sometimes. I have no idea what to do. I only know what I want and how I feel, but absolutely everyone around me tells me I am wrong and even when I am certain I am doing the right thing for someone, they say 'just do me a favor and sleep on it, okay?'...  At times I think I am entirely detached from reality and everyone is utterly sharp except me. I am completely blurry. But I cannot try to adapt to their expectations. I've tried that once and it nigh killed me. It's crippled me so badly that I am still not whole. It certainly didn't make me happy. To me everything is simple, and easy. And fun. If it's not, change it. Do something else. I cannot see why anyone would insist on living in a place they don't like, paying for it the money they don't have, HOPING some day, maybe, it will all turn out to be worth it... That's not how I believe things work. I need my change, my shift of seasons, my change of walls. Trying to reboot. I cannot remain stale, and slow, and growing old without any proof of how desperately I am trying to level up to the people I love's terms.. That cannot be what will be (not)remembered about me. This cannot be how I exist.