Sunday, 26 March 2017

Alrightey! Molotov coctails in wax museums and other adventures in Vienna

Few days ago a buddy on mine offers to take me along to Vienna for a day - on a super chill, super tourist-y ride, expenses paid and all arranged. Basically a day trip with the bus, how normal people do it. Vienna is exactly 300 km away from me, so, pee stops contingent a three hour drive. I loaded five or six horror movies on my iPad, 20 hours worth of music on the iPod and all the camera gear I had.

It starts with that awesome pre-dawn hour I love above all other hours, when nothing but nightingales, postmen and bakers are up already and the night has just begun coloring from pitch black to very dark blue in the east. 

Then we ride the bus until the first pee stop and I learn that if you buy a Keiser Melange coffee there, you get a free mug. It was a cute mug. And Austrians have an alarmingly expensive coffee.

Borrowed to read this on the bus, as it is about an Austrian... highland doctor or something, and dramatic romance and mountains and things and I've never read an Austrian pocket novel, so it seemed appropriate.

First stop - though my first stop normally would always be the Kunsthistorisches Museum, second stop Mumok - is the Vienna Madame Tussauds, a 23-bucks (fuck, really, and I complain if back home the admission ticket is above 5 bucks) former taxidermist's expo of hot famous people in wax likeness. Was not as creepy as I thought it would be.

My boy Klimt

Rich white pretty people

That guy who used to lie naked next to his ten year old niece so as to avoid temptation

Nelson Mandela (that is a joke. Calm down.)

Did NOT know Mozart was so hot. 

Learned more than I ever wanted to about some white rich bitch Empress Sissy who, as you would expect, spent her existence being rich and good-looking and bothering people who came close to challenging that. Her bo employed 2000 peeps just to tend to their household, the pay for which went from leeching on the likes of Slovenian subjects. Gotsta love popular rulers. 

And we were also named quite a lot of Slovene intelligentsia who tried desperately to crawl up the emperor's asshole and be second fiddle to mighty posts, rather than being home and trying to improve our own country. Lots of doctors, architects, clergy, musicians did all they could think of to become parts of Viennese court.

Shame on them, really. People like Plečnik, our most celebrated architect, only redesigned Ljubljana's signature look AFTER he was kicked from the post in court. Fuck home country if there's money to be put in the pocket by the oppressors, right? Creativity is all that matter - right?

Then we went around Vienna in a hurry, which is to say we went up and down one street called after a Roman ditch and saw a big church with foil-cowered statues in it and I upheld my passion for photographing chandeliers. 

While I waited for Sanela, I took some street pics, as the Viennese are extremely posh and seem to have a lot to spend on outfits. 

Instead of the famed overpriced Sacher cake, I opted for the famed overpriced 5 buck coffee, trying the latest flavor: salty toffee with macadamia latte. And there were more pretty things all around. 


And there was that guy with the soap bubble act - my favorite bumming act in the whole catalogue!


Next stop: Schonbrunn Zoo!...