Wednesday, 1 January 2014

Inheriting a town square

So. There's this movie theater in town that used to be one of three theaters I grew up in. I used to be a pathological movie-goer. Tickets were cheap and I could never get enough of the experience. There were movies I saw so many times, I would follow the reels when they moved to smaller towns. The sort of theater like, say, the one in Inglorious basterds, those were my temples. That and bookstores. Well, bookstore. And like I said, there were three. The one I ever went in first is long gone, they tore it down. Funny though, that. Tearing down something that is so sublimely hollow. The other one, called the Union, still exists as a building, because the Nazis during the Second war built a posh palace in the midst of town communications and a lot of fancy shit happens there. A really vast square has been built there now. Which brings us to the Metropol. A really vast square is being built there, too. It's in the middle of my street, the main street. Metropol is the only remaining theater in the broader area, besides the Coliseum - the multiplex, where the popcorn and the people are. By what miracle Metropol survived, I do not know. It's odd it did. It took a while, things got shaky and wet, but it's going steady now and the films they are showing, mainly European stuff, are cool. I actually go there a lot lately. And it looks like I will be going there a lot more.

It's not a real job. It's a little bit of a job with a little bit of money and a lot of an invitation into a sort of circle that, in the perfect world, I would want to really belong to. Unfortunately, mostly, people who run movie theaters are very comfortable in their position and do not argue well with gray little mice like me. But the guy who runs it read Gorgi and thought I might fit well into the circle, right in the bulls eye. They basically need young blood that they don't have to pay. They own a square that needs to be filled with cool stuff going on. I'm cordially, kind of, whisperly, almost invited to do something about it. And I am just in the right mood to dive in.
      I have no idea if this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship or we will clash within a trial month. What I do know, though, is that I want to get closer to the engine that is turning the culture of this city. It's a terribly haphazard thing. Most of the wheels turning are in conflict with the other wheels absurdly. There were a couple of 'societies', as they like to be called (also cause things called societies don't have to pay tax, so we have quite a few), but those suck balls at the moment. There is a lot of good, fresh, ambitious even ideas, there is even some money... What's stuck in between the two, are certain people. People very good with keeping their seats and not so very good with making anything of the projects. Here's where my almost-ambition comes in. I LIKE this town. I love the little fairs and happenings that kind of, sort of animate it. Such as they are. I wanna do this for a little while. Fuck around with these projects, until they are actually cool projects that people can be proud of. Not tired,  starved attempts at something impressive. 
       At this moment, it seems I have all the right reasons to want to play. I'm angry and I have a lot of ideas. I may even have a little bit of a plan. And I have been working on my people skills/bedside/smiles for a month now. I am making a conscious effort to remember individuals. Okay, so so far that isn't working out to well, but I can always pretend to be sexually attracted to women and knowledge-starved towards men, and it sticks a little bit, my interest towards others. What has been always lacking in my core, was a reason to want to bother. Fame, fortune, opportunity, networking, all that shit has no appeal; I refuse to spend a single moment when I could be spending it playing Warcraft or kissing the General. This won't get me more money, sell more of my books. No. I have to trick my brain/heart/whatever into wanting to do this with another avenue of approach. 
      I have an idea. It will only work until it's acted upon. It has to remain a theory. The slightest realization or movement towards the realization of the idea will shift my target focus out of focus and this whole mock ambition thingie will go down like a dead balloon. I know, this plan sucks. But like so many great things planned for 2014 or the first half there-of, the only thing that stands between the actual result and a passionate attempt is my mood.

.... So no worries there, really. We're totally fucked.