Sunday, 20 February 2011

Bad dreams

I've been having bad dreams lately. I mean, realistic ones. About realistic choices, mainly fear fueled. Example, I dreamed that Lyra was being attacked by wolves. Two of them came at her and although she made all the submissive poses, like she does with other big dogs, they kept circling her in. I took her up and was going to defend her, but what was I supposed to do? I am fond of wolves, I wouldn't want to kill one and yet with wild animals it's do or die. A bit of snarling and kicking them in the snout might put off one, but two are a pack and in the pack pride is everything. 
        Another dream was about finding remains of a dead woman - someone put her frozen hands and feet into the fire and while first thawing and then burning, they were twitching oddly. Her head was also so displayed that the front broken teeth were clearly visible back in the mouth, stuck onto the rotting tongue. The civilized first choice would be to call the police, but the actual first impulse was to make myself very small and run away very quickly. (And then call the police.) Desperate people do funny things - who was to say the one burning the remains wouldn't just shoot me in hopes of prolonging his freedom?
         The third one tonight was about defending the General. In theory the General refuses to fight, even if provoked, because he could not control his punches and is a little too big to be just flailing about - so he does all he can to stay out of conflict. But considering how much he has changed since he's known me, it's not hard to see he would make a move if pushed far enough. In the dream I teased about a man in the crowd being handsome while taking his photograph. The General still fails to make a distinction between the people I find visually attractive and people I find attractive as people - very often these two are directly opposite and so I can tease him quite easily.. But the man in the dream was aroused by my flattering and decided to get higher ground and mock the General, who saw it for what it was and ignored the guy. Unfortunately the guy had an audience and was waving around and incidentally sort of slapped the General, who in turn began to heat up. This made the guy panic or send a rush of testosterone through his brain - either way, he hit the General in the face. Falling back, I caught my man to make sure he landed without his head hitting the ground, and then charged at the man who was starting a fight, hitting him up in the jaw and kicking him behind the knee. He pushed me away and I chased him, quite determined, while people were watching and probably laughing at me. I caught the guy on the road and I tried fighting him still, even getting hit myself, but at some point I pushed him unfortunately and a car that didn't see us, rammed the guy and he fell across it. Ultimately General and I were told we will have to pay 18.000 euros in damages for causing the accident, and that was that. 
         I am going to have to work on that whole action-reaction+long term consequences thing again. There was a time when I thought I've almost had it ...