Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Nymphomaniac, the second deconstruction

Yup. First time didn't really quite satisfy me. Oh, burn :D
So, second time around.
Andet’s get one thing out of the way. I said I don’t like the Nymphomaniac movie(s). I didn’t say I don’t think they are good. I think they are great. In my opinion Von Trier is a behemoth. I also think FF Coppola is a behemoth of filmmaking and agree that his Godfathers are probably legendary, but I sure as hell don’t like them. Every time I tried watching them, all I got in my face was a bunch of psychopathic Neanderthals in suits, fucking one another over petty crime that grew way out of proportion, because their redneck village rejects mental evolution only ever allowed them to measure things in coin, death or pussy. But sure, yeah, those are outstandingly good movies.

No fast forwarding. No angry angle to begin with. Nymph from start to finish with a great respect and admiration for the author and for the … I dunno. Social commentary or one of those deep political excused for angst porn.
Here’s the thing. A great many strangers or semi strangers from the theater where I sell the tickets are keenly interested in talking about this film and I am always amazed that they actually haven’t seen half as many of Von Trier’s films – and I don’t really like angst. I get told that this is a very overrated, pompous author, an American film industry honey, biennale and festival darling, so on and so forth – mainly, that his hype is hollow. But I consider Von Trier to be a giant and not because of the previous two movies which I haven’t seen. (Doesn’t mean I don’t know them, I can just guarantee you I wouldn’t like them.) I will always think that Breaking the Waves the most beautiful and the saddest film ever made – and my first on-screen penis. (Second one, oddly enough, being Christian Slater’s.) I watch Dogville at least once a year and it’s ending ten times that much, obscenely satisfied with the righteousness  of its closure. I even thought Manderlay was excellent, if not really my cup of tea. Something about the heroine getting a taste of her own righteous medicine sat with me. That wasn’t even a matter of hubris, that was… Well, her father said it best – she is the most arrogant person there is. I am deeply grateful for the Dogma 95, of which Festen was the best and although not directly responsible for it, you can see his influence in the young Vinterberg in almost every scene. I remain to this day a dogma 95 filmmakress myself, though I am yet to finish that first gorram film.
This is not a deconstruction of why the film was good (or bad). It was very good for very many reasons. This is just the list of things why I hated it then and still hate it. He just didn’t satisfy my need for understanding why he hates romantic notion of relationships so much. He prances every male stereotype and misconception of a woman and then stomps a shitty boot on it… to boot. His heroine has no reason to be this fucking hollow – she is not a mental patient, as it is stresses she is self-diagnosed. She just deems herself to be the female equivalent of a rapist. And don’t even think about blaming her parents. My mother was a fucking nightmare while I was growing up, but it really is time to stop blaming your mother for your fucked-upness once you’re over thirty and get over yourself.

Easiest was out, let’s assume that Von Trier is angry and is trying to illustrate how terribly overrated all things considering a woman’s sexuality are.. Or in fact, women at all.
Starting with…

Getting beaten in a dirty alley. (It’s okay, she deserved it.)
Having a sexual appetite. (Makes a woman a bad human being.)
Losing her virginity. (She was asking for it.)
Hurtful anal sex. (Hey, if the arse is there, ram it.)
Humping strangers. (Dissatisfying, but the number counts.)
Infertility. (Woman’s fault, the man is always ready and able to spend seed.)
Oral sex is the worst. (It gets even the best of men undone.)
Woman thinking promiscuity is bad. (To a man that’s condescendingly funny.)
Having an understanding, cool dad. (That’s the worst.)
Rebelling against love. (Really, cause teenage girls never rebel against anything? Take a fucking pick.)
Secretary is just a cunt that makes coffee. (Oh, and for taking your anger out on.)
A woman who can parallel park is declaring war on the man’s ego.
Falling in love reduces a person to an object. (Wrapped in lies.)
Marriage is the worst. (It’s the woman’s own fault if she gets too old, too fat or too real.
Kids. Only thing worse than marriage. (Such baggage, man must have sons, but having them is just so… bothersome.)
Divorce. (Just one suitcase for a man. It’s the women who go all crazy.)
Infidelity. (Oh, yeah. Blame it on the post pubescent  hoofie. It gotsta be all her fault.)
To make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs… (What omelette?)
Loneliness.. (It’s not a boogeyman. Why do people hate being on their own? Is it because they’re so fucking boring? An alone man is okay but an alone woman is a crazy cat lady?)
Deathbed. (Yes. Fight for your daddy’s love over that of his wife’s. Who’s the cowardly bitch now?)
And how are death beds EVER anything but the worst thing one can ever witness? There’s a reason why integrity of patients is so protected – because one is never so ugly as when dying.
Lack of education. (Joe seems to think that she’s a lowlife, because she hasn’t read about many similar cases – because she never really read much, but let’s be honest here.. Literature is hardly a realistic portrayal of human condition.)
Bass. (The only way a guy, good but ugly, can get a pretty girl, is out of pity. Hm. Have you ever seen Peter Jackson during the Lotter filming era?)
“I can’t feel anything”. Well, yeah, idiot. Cause you’re looking with the body. Look bigger.
Orgasm. Divine. But blasphemous. Riiiiight.  It’s just a fucking orgasm.
You know libido waxes and wanes, right? It comes and goes. It’s hardly a matter or hysteria. (Pun intended.)
The one guy that actually listens to her (as oppose to pitying or fucking her), she constantly tries to put down.
A virgin man. (Well, actually, if a man’s a virgin, it’s not that he can’t relate to sexy stories, it’s probably quite the other way around. It’s all he ever thinks about and would fuck a lamp post.) Asexual man, on the other hand… That would be a what? A counterweight to a nymph? Arguably existent?
Sex is just sex. It really, really is. (There are SO many better things to do in life and in relationship that sex. Not INSTEAD of sex. Just, a lot better than sex. You CAN read a lot and have a healthy sex life. I promise. You can even be really well read AND still have a healthy sex life. Shit, you can be well read, healthily sexed and be married, even! Imagine that! But that must really make you a freak.)
Irresponsive cunt. (Uhm, maybe, if you tried shifting the center of your universe somewhere else for five minutes?)
Being unable to satisfy a woman. (If at first you don’t succeed, get the fuck out of here. A man cannot live with that burden hanging over his head. Leave the bitch. There are enough women who will respond to your efforts. Go. Who cares if she bears your kids.)
Caesarean. The ultimate male belief that once the cunt stretches to push out an infant, it never goes back to being fun. (Bad news, boys. The cunt is super flexible.)
Aaaaaa…. The old-as-time-music teacher fantasy… To all the little boys and their grown up sequels.
Yeah, that poor interpreter was completely useless. :D Great scene, though.
And of course the good old BBC fencing. (You’d have to be a porn buff to get that one.)
Hypocrisy. Yes, I got that one from the overall impression of your movie message, Von Trier. Good thing you’re not generalizing.
The ultimate male fantasy #2: beating women who keep coming back for more. Impotence much?
I was just wondering… How does a guy who beats women for full time… hobby, pay his bills?

Okay, this is as far as I’ve gotten. I really have better things to do now.
Only redeeming thing seems to be a good story. And killing the hypocrite.