Dawn of the Planet of the Apes or why Humans in Crisis are always fucked

 

Caesar is less fuckable in this one, but that's why we have Jason Clarke.

The irony of human condition is that the violence is the surest way to destroy everything – and yet, it has gotten us thus far. Everyone hates violence and – yet - we cannot live without it. Also, we need two fucks of cold water to resort to it whenever there’s something we’re denied. Food, water, land, pussy, more weapons, religion du jour, whatever. I will murder you for the fucking car you drive if the slightest opportunity presents itself. We are all psychopaths and the only reason we don’t get out of line is because within the group, we are living comfortably. But tip the balance in any direction and all bets are off.  Less than animals.

Humans as species, and this has been the case since the get go, are fundamentally:

-          -    Dumb as fuck, which leads to violence

-         -     Lazy as fuck, which leads to selfishness

-          -  And really gorram weak and whiney. If you inherit a thousand humans, this will not be a

wonderful opportunity to start a new civilisation somewhere off the shore of Syracuse. No, you’ve just gotten your hands full of a thousand morons who will whine themselves to death, demanding, expecting and pouting for a cushy living. Whining women, whining babies, whining old folk, whining men, whining fucking pets. It’s not that humans are incapable of really great survival. We just don’t want to if someone else who likes to play hero is ready to do it.

In the film, humans, stuck idiotically in a building in the middle of the crumbling city, need things all the time – they need electricity, because, well, if you don’t have that, you’re practically dead already. Where would the music come from?? How will we signal others? Geez, I dunno, how about a really big fire? They have plenty guns and ammo, because that’s how you face an epidemic, so getting electricity is just a matter of some hiking up to a forlorn dam. If only those creepy monkeys weren’t in the way. (Apes, which, just like humans, co-exist in a cushy ashram right up until the point something interrupts their daily mating and hunting routine. Then they completely freak out and go to war, with guns.)

Fact is, if you move to the countryside, farm-like, you can produce not only enough food for any number of people, but also, you can build a more controlled environment, more productive setting, where everyone has a job to do, there are no lazy retards idling around, causing discord (obviously those are unavoidable, but there you have it.) Second, you can produce medicine. Okay, so Penicillin is by now almost completely useless, we are all immune to it, along with our viruses, but it isn’t that hard to make and if you CAN’T, then send out fucking scouting parties to comb through the billions of households which were abandoned and are completely empty and fully stocked. By the time crops, herbs and spices start to grow on your farm, you’ve gathered enough food to last you ten winters. Oh, and move to the fucking benevolent climate. Life, if people weren’t so damn stupid, could be incredible comfortable with the knowledge we have and endless resources we still haven’t ruined on this planet. But city survivors would rather live in sewers than in Ohio.

Need power, need walls, need guns, need cages, need to feel like you are completely alone, so nothing can threaten you.  Imagine there’s a rat! That’s just the worst thing ever! And better eat all the horses right away, because when we no longer have cars, it’s game over.  This is because a human, left alone in friggin’ Yosemite, would die. Not thrive. Die. Like nobody paid any attention in school, any attention in the army, any attention reading a vegan food pamphlet. People just need things all the time, need to be given everything. It is what ultimately drains good leaders of will, puts them in bad situations and sucks the intellect out of them, exhausted living up to everyone else’s expectations. And give them an enemy to worry about; otherwise they’ll just be completely paranoid all the time.

I love the scene in which the major helps a young man cock the machine gun, while they’re getting ready for combat. Because they had tons of guns and ammo, but the only two people really able to use it were two drunk rednecks. Perish the thought you’d ever train young men for a confrontation.  Really, hasn’t ANYONE ever heard of Tito? Enjoy the peace but be ready for war? This is why people always look at me funny when I explain why I liked being a soldier and why I like being a huntress. It has absolutely nothing to do with killing. Maybe for fucked up men, but in my case, who go into these training with my head, not my tiny cock, it has to do more with prevention of killing. More than that, it has to do with understanding and, with being able to do something, should there be a dangerous need. I will never kill a stag, clean it and roast it, right up until the point when my husband’s life depends on it. Then I’ll take a fucking bowl and go gather berries, nuts and tree shoots and sap instead. My vegan paste can kick your stake’s ass any day of the week.