Sunday, 7 September 2014

Just doodling some post Gorgi stuff...

*(Was bored today, waiting for the shoot to start, and my music contained three defeatist songs, so I wrote the scene in which Germaine hides the evidence of General's wedding from Germaine's perspective. This would be after Cole attacked him - hence the worst day ever.) .. Germaine was supposed to start hating his boss now, but of course as we well know, it would never happen.

Germaine knew very well this moment was a long time coming. He knew well it will rip him apart. But just like everybody knows some day they are going to die, it still ruins them in absolute. Pretty much everyone, when they are young and born healthy, know that some day they are going to fall in love it will suck, still everybody lives for that day and they drive straight into the light. 
         He sat down behind the General's desk, looking at the things displayed on walls and porcelain. The obsession with the woman has long gotten into a habit phase and was now fast becoming a curiosity, a study even. Seti Sepp SUN may not be able to kill her, but learning the hows and the whys about it got him to a whole new level of human interaction - he noticed that by watching her and her friends may actually teach him something. He had no idea how close to his own ruin he was getting, step by step, info by info, by poking into it. By being fascinated by it. 
           Germaine saw the tape Seti Sepp made before he underwent the treatment. He saw the man he awed in and respected beyond measure say 'don't worry if you get lost, she will find you, and she will save you. You will fall in love with her all over again again. You always do.' But okay. That was a man in love talking. That wouldn't have been a cause enough for devastation. He knew about this tape and he hid it, but not well as to rescind it for the man. Funny, really, because if the General truly wanted to find these files, if he was interested in that part of his life, his own personal life, he's have no need for the tapes at all. He'd just wake up one morning and realize the truth was everywhere all the time. He just wasn't calibrated into registering the happy spectrum.
           The desk was state of the art, one of the best students of this school ever designed. It mattered none to the General. He expected his tools and his people to perform flawlessly, regardless of the effort put into the design. It either served him or it didn't. He ignored the finesse. The arrangement of the files was also unique - only someone born and raised very far away and completely detached from popular culture would consider the relation of things the way he did it. Germaine always thought himself a bit of an outcast, a bit of a side product - an amazing side product, but a sideliner none the less - and it was still nothing compared to how the General thought. It was like giving a caveman a spaceship and he would totally get it. Intuitively, totally get it. Like an idealist, always knowing there is more outside the cave, just knowing it. Waiting, patiently, for the world to catch up.
           Once you cleared away all the daily reports and the conference transcripts, which Germaine was expected to, regularly, there were layers upon layers of programming and the General's personal projects, stuff he did for school and himself simultaneously. Once you cleared those, there was just school stuff, then one or two just personal bits and then countless unsorted things he never bothered with. Germaine and other assistants were supposed to sort priorities and he trusted them. Well, not so much trusted as… He really couldn’t care less what people wrote to him. He really hated ink.
                The tape was 8.4 minutes long, sent by someone from the magistrate’s registry. It was requested a while back, with a lukewarm application by someone who has meanwhile forgotten what purpose it served. Germaine hid it among the endless files of ‘read’ mail, though he never opened the attachment. He never had the heart to do so. He needed a bad day, the worst day of his life t dare to do so. He sat down and stared for a very long time at the screen. The only thing on the screen was the question: ‘unread attachment. Would you like to open this file?’..
                He swallowed hard, but I did not help. He blinked a lot of time, it did not help. He tried to breathe. It was difficult. He tried to plan a response. It was terrible.
                Once checked, the attachment opened into an official archive footage – something the magistrate must have handled out all the time, because they arranged all of the material into a small film. First you saw the General and his two adjutants waiting in the hallway and the woman arrive. You saw them talk (there was no audio, because Germaine would die if he also had to listen to it, too.) and you saw his dull, matter-of-fact demeanor and her reaction. You saw them enter the magistrate and during the short and official ceremony, he was terse and she was giddy and the two adjuncts were confused. It was done in less than five minutes. Everybody signed. She didn’t lie. They never kissed. The General didn’t know you were supposed to kiss. You wouldn’t forget that kiss. Then they left.

                Germaine felt blood leaving him, as if he was stabbed. He felt like someone slit his throat while he was sleeping and he just awoke now, just enough to realize that within the next moment he was going to die. He felt he was going to die. Obviously he knew the General would never date him and the fact he was officially spoken for would mean very little to him if he believed something in passion. Or the fact that this woman was so remarkably different from what Germaine was, it was a clear testament to the General’s taste and Germaine wasn’t it. Or that he was a fucking loser enough to forget his own wife.
                Though perhaps that was it. That was what finally drove a knife through Germaine’s heart. That he was so deeply, unforgivably fallible. He could drive a sword through the world and inspire masses, he could lead or serve or overcome or do anything, he was above everything and everyone and he was so very beautiful, even dying, even killing… But he was as empty as fuck. He left behind the one person he was supposed to belong to and then he forgot her. She came here to save him. Because he asked her. And he forgot. And he hated her for it. He treated her worse than anyone else in the school. She didn’t give up on him, because she promised to save him. The worst person Germaine has ever met and she was still better than Seti Sepp SUN.