Friday, 25 March 2011


Today I have spoken to a person that I haven't spoken to in almost ten years. The last time we did, I almost kissed her, but I lacked the courage and, perhaps, the resolve. We chatted for about fifteen minutes and I finally understand why people say that a missed opportunity can never be repeated: you can stay the same, but the river couldn't care less. People change so badly, they drift from what we loved about them so viciously... Until there is nothing left to like about them but the distant memory of a youth folly and the adventurous gleam in their eyes that we followed into the battlefield. In the army, Vais was the best of the athletes in our group and I was the worst, but I was the one that everybody talked about. Often in not the nicest terms. Together, we were almost fierce. We were always the ones to volunteer for the worst of tasks and always brave and always clever and always passionate. We were, from two opposite directions, the scariest of soldiers. It's a good thing we never coupled, because what we are today would have been an even bigger crevasse. From the natural born leader and a commando, she is now a steady office officer, soccer mom and a nice wife. Kissing her today would be like walking into a lamp-post that's been put onto your childhood forest path. 
         I hate the normality. I hate that it is the last step in people's lives. It is so easy to stop dreaming and stop fighting and I can feel that I've grown old and fat and permissive - but normality for me is the first step, it's what you fall back onto when the life that your pursue bites too hard. I hate the thought of being a creature of the current as oppose to the creature of creation. There isn't even any reason to mourn the end of my would-be lover - we were all just circumstantial there. For some it was the best times of their lives and for some it was an excellent lesson in fucking with people with power. (Mentally. I wasn't very good at sex back then, I was married to a gay virgin. Though mentally I could poke indeed.)
         Being a wife, being a mother, being a dog owner should be one's HOME. NOT THEIR WHOLE WORLD!