Saturday, 3 October 2009

Dyslexic Galdiautors*

As it goes, modern man isn't really afraid of much - not really. I mean - what are you afraid of? I can't think of anything. You need to be fully fledged mentally unstable person to actually have a fear. Not *worry* or a *phobia*. Sure, we all worry about pain and loss and loneliness, or tend to avoid, say, orange food or dirty surfaces.. But to be afraid? Be it a Hun horde, a dragon or a ghetto bully, when all instinct is purged and nothing but logic, intellect and self-esteem remain, it's "Bring it on, bitch!"

As it goes, fear isn't really something that happens lightly to anyone above twelve. It occurred to me, while watching Fringe, that these days an ideal woman is practically a Valkyre - actress Anna Torv portrays a popular character which is independent, righteous, fierce and beautiful in a robust, in-your-face way. What was the ideal woman 100 years ago? Scarlett O'Harra?

Last truly intense, mind numbing fear I can think of personally was a descent from a mountain we've been undertaking last summer. Piček and I did a peak a day before and two peaks that day and the last one was a bitch to get on, yet alone off... I was getting very tired, it was foggy, we were in a natural shaft and the path, mostly on moist wires and rungs, was commemorated with marble plaques of people who died here - a lot. It was Hellfull descend. Anything could go wrong and one of us would fall and that would be it - instantly. Even bigger problem was that we could barely help one another, there was just no room to offer a hand. At one point Piček stepped off a line, which was too low to hold and walk around the hanging cliff and the room it created leaned me outwards almost impossibly - I had no way of managing the next step. My body choked, I started to have a hysterical fit and he simply couldn't reach me. But luckily they trained us in the army to allow these fits to pass, explain we need a minute and then start cursing and kicking. Ultimately, slowly and surely we managed to reach the path on the ground (slippery and brittle, an old glacier slope, but ON THE GROUND). That, and of course driving over Tizi'N'Test were truly frightening moments.

Now, within the confide of my home, nothing much truly frightens me. But I do thrive on reflexive sensations that in the natural circumstance would offer me an adrenaline boost (other than that I am certainly not an adrenaline junky - I find such activities rather boring), so playing computer games come in very handy. A cool Saturday afternoon, post nap, post snack, and the lot of us - us two, sis and her mate and perhaps another (usually a tank), take on serious dungeons. And within those moments, when brain needs to work, reflexes need to work, concentration needs to work and stakes are high (seriously, dude, it's a GAME), I tremble and shake and itch and gasp... :D I love it. No idea how I allow myself to be so genuinely involve with something that could NEVER reach me, yet somehow I experience it profoundly and love it a 100 %. Such afternoons boost me plenty. They make for some actually good memories :)

*the name of  friend's playgroup ;))